Starting primary
Moving from primary to secondary is a huge step on the educational ladder but taking the first step from nursery to primary school can be an emotional minefield for vulnerable four-year-olds and their equally anxious parents.
Child psychologist, Peadar Maxwell says the first day is important as many children will be apprehensive but while most will get over it quickly, others may continue to feel insecure for weeks. And although this can be upsetting for parents, it is advisable not to upset them further by seeming anxious.
“Whether to leave your child at the gate rather than bring into school depends on your child’s personality and readiness and the school’s protocol on this,” he says. “While most new junior infants will want their parent to stick around, most primary schools expect parents to walk their children to the classroom and then to withdraw.
“For some children mild anxiety can linger for weeks – but don’t overreact, validate your child’s feelings and reassure him that things will work out. If their anxiety is high and prolonged, talk to their teacher or seek advice from a professional such as a psychologist or therapist.
“Also, try to get in touch with your own anxiety in case you are partly fuelling your child’s normal transitional worries with your words, body language or behaviour.”
Full of excitement
Yasmin Vorajee lives in Carrick-on-Shannon with her partner Colm and children Fionn (4) and Zayna (2). Her son will be starting school this year and while she anticipates feeling sad on the day, she is full of excitement for him and looking forward to spending time on her business (Tiny Time Big Results) which she runs from home.
“I’m excited for Fionn as he’s definitely ready to go to ‘big school’,” she says. “When he went to the open day his eyes were as wide as saucers at all the different things on display and I know he’s itching to get started. During the summer he’s been quite restless as he needs stimulation and has been digging out his activity books to keep him occupied.
“He’s been going to creche since he was 18 months old so I don’t think he will be anxious but there may still be tears – mainly on my part as it is such a milestone. He’s our firstborn and is taking his first tentative steps out into the world – so of course we will be emotional.”
Fionn (who will be five in September) has already requested a Spider Man schoolbag and Yasmin says as long as he is happy in school that’s all that matters.
“I don’t have any concerns apart from hoping that he enjoys going to school and continues to do so,” she says. “I was bullied at primary school and that had such an effect on my confidence and that would be my biggest fear for my children. But I can’t dwell on that so I think it’s important to equip him as best we can to deal with change, building resilience and having as much fun as possible.”
From primary to secondary
It’s that time of year again when children all over the country are preparing for a life-changing experience – some will be heading off to school for the first time, while others will be making the transition from primary to secondary.
Both of these occasions are equally exciting but can be daunting for both students and their parents. Educational psychologist Seán Flanagan says making the leap to secondary school can be intimidating and parents should be aware of the changes.
“Children starting secondary school face a number of significant challenges,” he says.
“Children need to navigate a new building, with designated rooms for each subject, different personalities of different teachers and a very different system of behaviour management.
“Lockers are a new concept too and countless students struggle to get to grips with the system of taking the appropriate books out of for each session and bringing the right books home.”
On top of this, Flanagan says, children are dealing with a social transition. But this, he says, is a rite of passage.
“The upheaval of having to make new friends can be very difficult,” he warns. “Part of the transition is to be ready for it. But something that often gives senior students cause to giggle is the sight of first years, staggering around with massive schoolbags, peering at their maps of the building – not out of malice, but because they remember going through the same initial confusion themselves.”
Flanagan encourages parents to try to minimise the impact by encouraging a wider social group.
“Children who are involved in clubs and organisations outside school will generally have better social resilience when transitioning,” he says.
Saoirse Daly from Barefield, in Clare, is getting ready for her first year in Coláiste Muire, Ennis. While she is looking forward to meeting new people, she is equally glad to have the security of old friends to help her through the early days.
“I am a little nervous but more excited than anything else,” admits the almost-13-year-old. “I have quite a few friends going there so it will be great to see familiar faces on the first day but it will good to make new ones too. Also I like the idea of having more teachers and subjects – and am particularly looking forward to doing art in an actual art room.”
Her mother Claire is naturally anxious as her eldest daughter makes the leap to secondary school – but says it is much easier than watching her start school for the first time.
“On Saoirse’s first day, she will probably be really excited and I will be nervous,” she admits. “It’s always difficult when your child starts a new school. I remember when she started primary and didn’t know anyone, I felt so anxious for her – but she had new friends by the end of the day.
“This time around many of those friends will be starting secondary school with her, so it will definitely be easier for both of us.”
Ways to help your child: Say goodbye cheerfully
– It’s important to talk about school in the weeks leading up to the start of term.
– Try not to put your feelings of excitement or worry on your child.
– If your child has been to pre-school he will have an idea of what to expect, but if not organise some fun separation from you with other children.
– Walk or drive by the school beforehand to show your young child where it is.
– On the first day stay positive, make sure your child is settled before you cheerfully say goodbye.
– If your child is somewhat anxious give him something small from home to remind him that you are looking forward to hearing all about his day.
For more information visit www.hse.ie
Keeping up with change: Sample subjects first
– Many secondary schools offer a “taster curriculum” in first year so students can sample different subjects before making a decision on which to settle with.
– Subjects and books can be colour-coded with stickers so children know which colour to pick out of their locker for different subjects.
– Children should have a copy of the timetable and map in their homework journals and a spare one in their pocket for easy access in the first few weeks.
Seán Flanagan is an educational psychologist based in Dublin. For information: CyberBullyingTalksIreland@gmail.com
