“And Sally O’Brien and the way she might look at you...”
Older readers will remember that famous line from a TV advert where an Irishman abroad dreams of all the things he misses from home – including the pint of Harp.
We thought of it this week after Paschal Donohoe stepped down as minister for finance to take up a fierce big job with the World Bank in Washington, DC.
We can see him now, looking across the shimmering skyline from his swanky penthouse corner office just a stone’s throw from the White House, wistfully thinking about the Irish weather and Fine Gael and Phibsboro and the Dáil and...
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And Simon Harris and the way he might respond back at you.
There was an air of sadness in the Fine Gael rooms on Tuesday night when Paschal attended his last parliamentary party meeting. There was hardly a dry seat in the house as he spoke to his colleagues and friends for the final time as a TD.
Paschal’s heartfelt ode of praise and adoration for the leader he is leaving behind was epic.
“My main word of thanks is to our party president, our Tánaiste, Simon Harris,” he said.
“Firstly, I want to thank him for the way in which he responded back to me when I told him last Wednesday night about my news,” he began, before directly addressing his blushing friend.
“Your kindness and your generosity. The way in which you supported me over a week was something I will always be grateful for.”
It turns out that Paschal was agonising about going public about his new job since before last year’s general election. When he “saw change was beginning to happen” he then had to decide whether to stand again.
He decided to go again for a number of reasons, but mainly for Harris.
“I’ve always had great faith in Simon Harris – as a Minister, colleague and as a friend but I grew to have tremendous faith in him as a new leader.
“Simon is one judgment call I got right.
“There’s absolutely no doubt that our party would not be where it is today without Simon Harris, his leadership, his standards, his vision and the way he is supporting all of us here in this room, as he did me.
“I am so proud and happy to be able to walk out of my old office in the Department of Finance and to see Simon Harris take over. I am so happy because I know that we’re only going to go forward under his leadership.”
Actually, as soon as Paschal resigned and new Minister Hildegarde Naughton was back from Áras an Uachtaráin with her seal of office, Simon was over in the Department of Finance running an eye over the fixtures and fittings.
Paschal invited him over and they watched the Six One News together.
Back in Leinster House at the parliamentary party meeting, the incoming World Bank managing director and chief knowledge officer turned once again to Simon, and the way he might respond back to you.
“Simon, I believe you’re going to be one of the great leaders of our party.
“And I believe people will look back at you and see you as being somebody who didn’t hold the centre, but who defended it and grew it.
“Part of the reason why this phase of my life comes to an end is because I have such confidence in the future, and you are the reason why.”
Aah here.
Before Harris returns to that new office they’ll have to widen the door so his head can fit through it.
‘Spoil the Vote’ activists gather for ‘productive’ dinner at Leinster House
What excellent timing by Senator Sharon Keogan to have booked a Spoil the Vote table in the Oireachtas members’ restaurant on the same day that a Dáil seat in Dublin Central came up for grabs.
That made it two byelections for the creative crayoning crew to contemplate as they met up for a post-presidential election night out in Leinster House.
The rarely silent Senator Keogan, Irish torchbearer-in-chief for Donald Trump’s Maga movement, welcomed leading members of the Spoil the Vote campaign, which was set up to highlight the lack of choice on the ballot paper – specifically the absence of a “conservative nationalist” candidate.
They mobilised in the wake of Maria Steen’s failure to get enough TDs to back her nomination, overlooking her failure to put in much of a campaign to achieve it.
Perhaps it was the somewhat spoilt reaction to this setback which got them thinking about spoilt votes.
Most of the people named as “campaign leaders” when the group was launched are very prominent on social media, where they vigorously promote their views on subjects such as immigration, gender, Irish nationalism, the global elite and “wokery” in all its forms.
At Tuesday night’s gathering, Sharon’s guests included Steen and her husband, Neil. Maria later told Louise Burne of the Irish Examiner that she will not be standing in the Dublin Central byelection.
Another guest, businessman Nick Delahanty, told our own Jack Horgan-Jones that he is considering a run. He stood in Dublin Bay South last year and failed to get a nomination to run for president this year.
Another, Portlaoise businesswoman Elaine Mullaly, a founder member of the Spoil Your Vote group and a former member of Independent Ireland, ran in the general election last year as an Independent.
They were joined by Killarney-based restaurateur Paul Treyvaud, technology strategist Aidan Joyce and technical manager Ivor Cummins.
Businessman Declan Ganley and former television finance adviser Eddie Hobbs, who were also involved in the campaign, were not at the dinner.
Another attendee was Ryan Casey. He was the boyfriend of Ashling Murphy, the primary schoolteacher murdered by Slovakian national Jozef Puška in 2022.
“Very productive and intriguing gathering last night at Leinster House with a very talented, ambitious and genuine group of people,” Casey posted on X, along with a number of photos of the group in the bar and restaurant. “I look forward to the future and I am more optimistic that this country, with the right people, can be turned around.”
Ivan Yates shows up at the media committee for a three-hour exercise in pointlessness
The media committee had a big meeting on Wednesday with a celebrity witness and the members couldn’t have been happier.
They love all the attention that comes with grilling the stars. Does wonders for the profile.
These meetings are always well attended.
There were high hopes that sparks might fly between straight-talking chairman Alan Kelly and brash blather-merchant Ivan Yates. He was the only professional media adviser to accept the committee’s invitation to discuss possible conflicts-of-interest issues arising when current affairs commentators give media training to politicians on the side.
Ivan of a thousand welcomes for himself was more than well able for the TDs and Senators who questioned him for nearly three hours in what was a pretty pointless exercise.
Sinn Féin TD for Wicklow-Wexford Fionntán Ó Súilleabháin echoed the words of other members when he told Yates – who couldn’t give two hoots – that he doesn’t agree with what he says.
But he still thinks he’s brilliant at what he does.
Fionntán asked if he regrets calling Irish language campaigners “cultural terrorists?”
Ivan just laughed.
“Would you accept that you have a kind of anti-Sinn Féin bias in your punditry?” Fionntán innocently inquired, walking away there and then with the stupid question of the week award.
The other politicians chuckled. The former Fine Gael minister looked askance at the Sinn Féin deputy.
“Oh absolutely. Absolutely!”
Then there was the time the Broadcasting Authority ruled in his favour after a complaint was lodged about a particularly tasteless remark he made about the zealotry of Irish speakers, comparing them to members of Isis.
“And the BAI found in my favour: this is what Ivan does.”
He referred to himself in the third person a bit too often.
Meanwhile, the hullabaloo occasioned by Yatesgate – he was dropped from the Path to Power podcast with Matt Cooper after it emerged he provided media coaching to Fianna Fáil’s presidential candidate but never let on – had him “flabbergasted”.
Not that Ivan was worried. He told the committee he was leaving it anyway.
He took grave exception with members referring to him as a journalist, a label he “violently objects” to.
He is just a mouth for hire. Pay for say.
“I actually don’t enjoy the company of journalists. I teach people on my courses not to trust journalists. That’s my shtick.”
Jim Gavin was a poor media performer before his campaign imploded. How does Ivan think he performed? Did the media training work?
Oh, sez Yates, he couldn’t possibly comment on a client for reasons of confidentiality.
“All I can say is that I have a fantastic book coming out called The Game Of Life. I might allude to that then.”
Brazen.
Mercosur debate descends into farce as Michael Healy-Rae intervenes
The debate on Sinn Féin’s motion calling for the Government to publicly reject the Mercosur Free Trade Agreement and work to block it at European Union level descended into farce on Tuesday night.
Jennifer Whitmore of the Social Democrats wondered why Minister of State for Agriculture Michael Healy-Rae wasn’t in the chamber to stand up for rural farming communities and to voice his opposition to the deal.
“Is he just going to roll over and accept it because Europe says so?”
Whereupon a voice rang out from the main doors beside the Ceann Comhairle’s chair. The doors opposite the entrance to the Dáil bars and restaurants.
“I’m here! You were looking for me?”
John McGuinness, the Leas-Cheann Comhairle, told Danny Healy-Rae to take his seat.
“You were looking for me, I heard. Here I am!” shouted Danny, looking up at Jennifer.
“I’m here. I was here all night,” he says, having just come in the door.
As deputy Whitmore protested and John McGuinness tried to restore order, Danny ambled up the stairs towards his seat, still roaring. Then he stopped and bellowed at Jennifer from the aisle.
“And I won’t be protecting foxes either! I won’t be protecting the foxes like you are!”
“Stay in your seat and stay quiet,” said Jennifer.
The Leas-Cheann Comhairle told him to sit down.
“Stay in your seat and stay quiet: it’s not your time to talk,” repeated Whitmore, Soc Dem TD for Wicklow.
“I will do whatever I like, madam,” retorted Danny, waving a document around as he turned to go back down the stairs, still giving out.
Labour’s George Lawlor intervened.
“Sit down, Danny!”
“I’ll sit wherever I like.”
And on it went.
“Tell them what you said about the foxes,” cried Danny, ignoring Jennifer’s protests.
Eventually the chair asked him to sit down or leave the chamber.
“I’m going out anyway,” grumbled the Kerry TD. “She was looking for me so I had to come in.”
“I never mentioned your name at all,” said Jennifer, pointing out she had been referring to his brother Michael, the Minister of State.
Danny was getting more thick by the second.
“You won’t say I wasn’t here either! I’m here and I have been – all day and all night.”
“Oh, good night,” sighed George Lawlor.
“You haven’t been, you just walked bloody back in ... You haven’t been here all the time. Would you stop?”
Danny, down at the doors and still fulminating, finally departed.
