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OPW’s penchant for wildly expensive lean-tos would put Kubla Khan to shame

Even without the place going nuts about huts, there’s a heightened tension and general giddiness around Leinster House

The final cost of a security hut at Government Buildings, taking into account a security review and mechanical systems, was €1.43 million, the OPW has said.
Miriam Lord's picture
Miriam Lord
Thu Sept 26 2024 - 06:00

After his big adventure in New York, the Taoiseach skedaddled home sharpish on Wednesday and was back in Dublin at 4am on Thursday.

Busy man.

Budget to push through. Heavy hints to drop. TDs to torment. White House to visit. Election to call.

Maybe Simon Harris should have tarried a while longer in the City That Never Sleeps, seeing as he hardly sleeps himself. Keeping out of sight and out of trouble until that budget is delivered on Tuesday seems such a tempting option.

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As it is, he dodged a lot of awkward questions in the two days he was away from the Dáil, leaving Ministers to wrestle in his absence with the triple woe of hospitals, housing and huts.

It’s a pity Simon couldn’t take in an American football game during his visit. With the quarterbacks shouting “Hut! Hut! Hut!” it would have been like he never left Leinster House.

Huts were one of the biggest talking points on Wednesday.

The latest cause of construction consternation on the parliamentary campus made its jaw-dropping debut in the afternoon when the finance committee called in representatives of the Office of Public Works for a chat about the new bike shelter.

It is not known how long it took them to travel from Xanadu to Kildare Street to confirm that the OPW’s penchant for throwing up wildly expensive lean-tos at the State’s expense would put Kubla Khan to shame.

But the trip was worth it for shock value alone.

As a dead poet once famously wrote: On Merrion Street did the powers that be a stately security dome decree.

Yes, hot on the wheels of the fancy little €336,000 bike stand currently tarting up the tarmac on Leinster Lawn came news of the beautifully imagined pagoda inside the gated narrow side entrance to the Department of Finance that nobody noticed until now.

How much did it cost?

A snip at €1.429 million.

“Ridiculous” pronounced Tánaiste Micheál Martin from New York. Yes, he was there too. As was the former Green Party leader Eamon Ryan. As was President Michael D Higgins.

Never mind. Roderic O’Gorman, the Minister for Children, was pressed into action at Leaders’ Questions in an effort to distract from the alarming absence of the four most important men in the country, and they are unanimous with themselves about this.

But not even the excitement of Roderic taking the helm could lift the sluggish atmosphere in the Dáil chamber. Everywhere else though, cabin fever was the order of the day.

The finance committee had convened to discuss the wonder that is the new bicycle stand, which may be small and open to the elements and exposes political posteriors to soggy saddle syndrome, but is perfectly formed.

If you ask us, the whole story has been blown out of proportion.

Sure what does €336,000 get a nation these days? Just the one Robert Watt, give or take a few grand, for example. And you can’t chain 36 bicycles to the general secretary of the Department of Health.

It was when Green Party TD Stephen Matthews inquired about the Department of Finance’s security hut and was told that this pretty little pavilion cost almost €1½ million that the cabin fever went off the scale.

Because that was only the half of it.

Even without the place going nuts about huts, cabin fever has been rampant all week in Leinster House. It hit dangerous levels on Wednesday as TDs seeking re-election and Senators nursing aspirations sank further into the maw of general election mania.

There was an uptake of business in the bar with deputies who will not be returning and can’t wait to escape sitting back at their leisure and marvelling at the madness going on around them.

“Fever is the only way to describe it,” said one of Matthews’s soon-to-be-erstwhile colleagues.

“They’re running around collecting their shredding bags – loads of them – and starting to clear the decks. Cartloads of envelopes are going out. I’m watching this with my own eyes. They’re obsessing about the posters. There’s no talking to them.”

A big reason for the heightened tension and general giddiness was the sudden notion that a snap election will be called late next week. This took hold among a number of Government deputies who were beside themselves with anticipation.

Nobody knows when Simon Harris will jump, but, rather like the creative Kubla Khans in the OPW, nervy politicians are putting two and two together and extravagantly losing the run of themselves.

But the budget next week? Doesn’t that have to be passed? Doesn’t the Finance Bill have to go through the Oireachtas before a run to the country?

Anything is possible, they say.

The Finance Bill and Social Welfare Bill could be lashed through in the two days after the budget, if that’s what the Government wants to do. Simon Harris could call the election on Thursday night.

The revenue and excise measures will be passed before midnight on the day as normal. Everything else can be published and promised and implemented a few weeks later, if the electorate likes the offer.

As for the 33rd Dáil seeing out its full term, there is a strong argument in Government circles that a term is said to be done and dusted when all the key measures in the programme for government have been commenced or completed.

So, theoretically, Simon could waltz into the chamber on Thursday night and fire the starting gun.

Highly unlikely, say the more level-headed observers. If nothing else, they insist it isn’t his style.

Back in the USA, the Taoiseach let slip during the day that his meeting president Joe Biden – word of this impressive coup only came out on Tuesday – will take place in Washington in two weeks’ time.

“That would be one hell of a way to kick-start the opening week of a feelgood campaign,” mused our departure lounge deputy, who is in no way cynical about politics.

“It’s all highly, highly improbable but that doesn’t matter for these fellas here now. They’re lashing back the coffees to keep going. Jesus Christ, if they don’t ease up on all this frenzied activity the pent-up excitement will blow the roof off the bicycle shed.”

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