‘They’re trying to keep each other safe’: Inside the secret online dating groups where women review men

The ‘Are We Dating The Same Guy’ Facebook Group for Ireland has nearly 50,000 members

Listen | 22:45

In 2022 Paola Sanchez, wanting to check out men she met online, created a Facebook group called “Are We Dating the Same Guy”. Its sisterhood-fuelled goal was to create a private space where women could “empower each other and keep each other safe from dangerous and/or toxic men”.

It quickly grew. Most US cities now have their own Are We Dating the Same Guy group and it has spread outside the US with a reported 3.5 million members in more than 200 groups sharing red flags about men. The group for Dublin has nearly 50,000 members.

Lawsuits have followed with men claiming they have been defamed, and in the latest one, in LA, Stewart Lucas Murrey is suing more than 50 women saying they “conspired to harm [his] reputation”.

Brittany Shammas and Marisa Iati, from The Washington Post, reported on the impact of the group; on some of the men featured, and on what happens when the rules of the group are broken.


They tell In the News about the ongoing court cases and the value of such a site in a world where women report feeling frightened while engaging with online dating apps.

Presented by Bernice Harrison. Produced by Suzanne Brennan.

Bernice Harrison

Bernice Harrison

Bernice Harrison is an Irish Times journalist and cohost of In the News podcast