Richie Sadlier is really happy to be on the podcast, and he’s not just being polite in saying so.
After an arduous IVF journey, the former footballer, psychotherapist and creator of Let’s Talk SPHE is now a dad to a toddler son, Sam, and a baby girl, Molly, born earlier this year.
He tells me on the latest episode of Conversations with Parents, “it’s lovely to be a candidate to be a guest on a podcast about parenting at long last”.
Sadlier shares how he, and his wife Fiona got through their long IVF journey, and describes the heartbreak of a miscarriage after the excitement of a naturally occurring pregnancy.
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He tells how, when discussing his loss with friends, he realised he was not alone in this experience.
“I remember telling friends of mine at various points and then them telling me their experiences in this area. And these are people I know, 20, 30 years at this point. And you kind of go ‘why did you not say this before?’ A load of people, particularly in the world of lads, we all have loads of shared experiences that we don’t know about because for whatever reason we don’t talk about them to each other”.
Sadlier discusses feeling invisible as a man as he dealt with it all, and asks “how much grieving is the right amount of grieving?”
He shares the joy of Sam’s birth following an unexpected spontaneous pregnancy and how he and Fiona decided immediately they wanted to have another baby once he arrived.
As a psychotherapist Sadlier is very used to discussing feelings and he shares how this has impacted his role as a father. And challenges how we rarely check in on dads in this regard.
He also discusses his strong desire to have a third child but at 46 years old wonders if he’s too old to have another. He tells me why.
And explains why he hopes his own experience of trauma with alcoholism and childhood sexual abuse won’t affect how he parents.
Through work Sadlier often gets an insight into what’s going on with young people and he shares those insights and what parents need to do to encourage their children to open up to them.
“What kind of parenting does that kid need us to give them for the conditions to be perfect for them to tell us what they’re going through?”
He explains the mistakes parents, understandably, can make. And discusses why parents are so often the focal point of teenagers’ frustration.
Sadlier is very familiar with the challenges boys are facing in the age of the mansophere. He explains why particular toxic influencers can appeal to boys. “Andrew Tate ticks a lot of the boxes that lots of us in society are told we should respect”. He tells me on the podcast, what these are.
“All young lads are doing the same thing, they’re not consciously aware of it, but they’re looking to older men for guidance or influence in how they should behave. What is the world expecting of me and how am I going to fit in?”
He shares how parents should try to react if they come across concerning material on their children’s phone.
“Horrified is the understandable starting position for a parent, but it’s not useful to your kid”, he says explaining how we can shut down conversations that way.
He also tells how oblivious many parents are to the violent and explicit content their teens are consuming and discusses why it’s so important we talk to them about porn.
And explains why we absolutely shouldn’t shame them, if we find something we’re upset about.
He explains why schools can do some of the necessary heavy lifting when it comes to difficult conversations.
“Sometimes you’ve to accept that you’re the last people in the world your son is going to open up to”.
[ Richie Sadlier’s guide to sex and relationships for teenage boysOpens in new window ]
He offers advice on how to approach embarrassing conversations around sex, porn, and consent at home.
But he concedes his own kids - when they finally reach adolescence - will probably be sick of hearing him mention those words.
And as a former professional sportsman I query Sadlier on the role of competition in children’s sports.
He shares what he believes is the role of a children’s sports coach.
Plus he discusses Let’s Talk SPHE, his new programme for supporting schools to have the important conversations with TY and senior cycle students.
You can listen to this episode of Conversations with Parents on the link above or wherever you get your podcasts.
Presented by Jen Hogan.
Produced by Aideen Finnegan and Niamh Browne.
Brought to you in association with Avonmore Super Milk.
