NEWTON's OPTIC:JANUARY SEES a spike in the divorce statistics after the strain of the Christmas holidays. This is why every man in Ireland should hurry down to their nearest remaining bookshop and pick up a copy of Social Partners: The Siptu Guide to Saving Your Marriage,writes NEWTON EMERSON.
Arguments over domestic finances are a common source of marital strife, writes If your wife raises the subject of money, take some time to sit down together and discuss her concerns.
Explain, as kindly and patiently as possible, that everything you earn is yours, but everything she earns goes into the joint account. Remind her that taking money out of your pocket is like taking money out of the whole familys pocket and repeat this loudly a couple of times until you are sure the whole street has heard. Then go down the pub.
Housework is another frequent cause of domestic disputes. If your wife complains that you are not doing your share, have a romantic evening in to talk over her problems.
Explain, as kindly and patiently as possible, that everyone has an equal responsibility to clean the house, but those best able to do so should clean the most.
Compliment her on her own fine housework skills, honed over many years of cleaning up after you. Then go down the pub.
Working late often leads to a row. If your wife asks you to come home early, phone her from the office and let her drone on for a couple of minutes.
Then explain, as kindly and patiently as possible, that you have agreed to work late so it is not feasible to come home early.
Remind her that a unilateral decision to leave work has never happened in this country before and would be totally counterproductive. Then go down the pub.
Sexual problems are a particularly sensitive issue for couples.
If your wife complains that she is no longer satisfied, put down your newspaper and look her right in the eye.
Explain, as kindly as patiently as possible, that her remarks have undermined your confidence and could even lead to deflation.
Remind her that the most important thing at a time like this is to stimulate demand. Then go down the pub.
Child-care is perhaps the most difficult issue facing a working couple. If your wife asks you to share the burden, take a moment on your way out of the door to set her straight.
Explain, as kindly and patiently as possible, that you have a job and you are not giving it up under any circumstances.
If she wants to give up her job, that’s fine. But you are certainly not sitting at home for her benefit. Then go down the pub.
Mutual respect is the basis of any successful relationship. If you feel that your wife is not giving you all the respect you deserve, back her into a corner and threaten to wreck the house.
Remind her that although nothing is ever your fault or your sole responsibility, you are otherwise more important than her in every conceivable way. Then go down the pub.
Follow this advice and you should enjoy complete harmony on the domestic front.
Your wife might occasionally threaten to take the kids and move to Poland. But really, what are the chances of that happening?