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My wife won’t be impressed by what I’m about to say in respect to Valentine’s Day, but here goes anyway: What’s love got to do with it?
I’m with Tina Turner on this one. You might think that a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers is a symbol of your indisputable love for a significant other, but in reality, both are straightforward get-out-of-jail cards for use at a later date in your relationship. (Curiously, that’s one occasion – release from penal detention – which Hallmark has yet to cater for.)
Before I’m bedding down in the garden shed, let me explain my thinking here. The way I see it, what we celebrate as “love” is a composite of several different abstract qualities, such as respect, admiration, affection, and pride, which we extend to our partners as often as we can.
By using the catch-all term “love” and not examining what we mean by it, we’re letting ourselves off the hook – and courting trouble down the line.
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I believe any reputable advice columnist would agree: letting our hearts make all the important decisions in a relationship without asking for some help from our brains, is not a good idea.
Of course, as they usually do, the wise and wonderful Romans have something to tell us on this subject. It’s believed the early Christian church may have placed the feast day of St Valentine in the middle of February to legitimise the pagan fertility festival of Lupercalia, which was overseen by an order of Roman priests called the Luperci. (So it appears naming rights have always been a big deal.)
According to legend, the Lupercalia festival involved all the single young women in Rome placing their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors then reached in, chose a name, and became paired for the year with the woman each had selected. These matches, we’re told, often resulted in marriage and children. (It isn’t known whether guys were allowed to return a name to the urn. “Claudia Maxima, no way. Her dad’s a centurion. The last guy to date her got shipped off to Gaul!”)
So the Romans would seem to support my interpretation of Valentine’s Day.
Yes, it’s an occasion of sublime emotion, often fuelled by an insane sugar rush. But there are long-term goals to be achieved as well.
Just ask Al Capone. On February 14th, 1929, several of his henchmen, dressed as cops, entered a Northside Chicago garage and terminated the employment of seven men associated with the Irish gangster George “Bugs” Moran, one of Capone’s long-time enemies. Historians believe that the St Valentine’s Day Massacre, as it came to be known, had no discernible effect on the celebration of the holiday in the Windy City – although the number of young men entering the fledgling automotive trade briefly plummeted.
As for the trappings of the day – cards and chocolates and such – these have less violent origins. According to the History Channel website, “By the middle of the 18th century, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes.” (My wife has argued, quite persuasively, that in my case such amorous displays have been relegated to ancient history.)
Around 1900, however, improved printing technology allowed people to outsource their feelings to ready-made cards. Plus, cheaper postal rates meant people didn’t need to hand-deliver their valentines and then hang around awkwardly to see whether they got opened. (Or worse, whether the recipient laughed hysterically at the gesture.)
But it was too late even then. By the 1840s, the occasion had already spiralled out of control thanks to Esther A Howland, who became known as the “Mother of the Valentine” for her elaborate creations adorned with lace, ribbons, and colourful pictures. Due in large part to Howland’s pioneering holiday products, the Greeting Card Association estimates that one billion valentines are dispatched worldwide each year. Only at Christmas are more cards sent, about 2.6 billion of them.
But the most damning statistic of all, if you’re male, is this: women purchase approximately 85 per cent of all valentines. (Of course, men have the market cornered on dodgy boxed chocolates and dubious petrol station bouquets.)
So have I altered my traditional approach to the holiday this year? You bet. Even though I have history – and Tina Turner – on my side, I bought my Valentine’s Day card back in January. And I plan to hand-deliver it, along with a suitable token of affection sourced from the modern era.