Economic jargon and political humbug have done little to plot a course out of this mess, writes DAVID ADAMS.
TO HELP beat the recession, I suggest that we horsewhip a half-dozen or so leading bankers, along with a similar number of their mega-rich speculator friends, and, for maximum impact, broadcast the entire spectacle live to the nation after the 9pm watershed.
I fully realise of course, that, in itself, violent retribution against a few randomly chosen “fat cats” would do nothing to ease our economic plight, and may even risk doing damage to our hard-won image abroad as a civilised society.
However, against that, and much as I personally abhor violence – a rare thing in a Northerner, I know – there can be no doubting that a large dollop of righteous vengeance would do wonders for the morale of the nation; not to mention how it would completely reinvigorate reality television.
At a stroke – or more accurately, at a few dozen strokes – the mood of despair which grips people caught in a dire situation not of their own making, would be lifted. And this, with any luck, would go a long way towards reigniting the feel-good factor within us.
Moreover, learning to feel good about ourselves again, as we are constantly being reminded, is one of the keys to us being able to move beyond our predicament.
Who cares if some foreigners have reservations about the public flaying of a few bankers and their cronies, and may decide to kick up an international stink about “human rights” violations? We could pass the entire episode off as an unfortunate example of the periodic manifestation of an underlying but integral part of “our culture”.
That should do the trick. We are, after all, a former colony.
Truth be told, I have no great understanding of economics, though that has nothing whatsoever to do with reluctance on my part to comment on the recession much beyond suggesting that a bit of high-profile, blood-letting would help immeasurably.
It is patently obvious that nobody else has much of a clue about economics either, considering that no two commentators or experts ever seem able to agree on anything other than the fact that we’re in an almighty mess, yet this hasn’t stopped them from prattling on incessantly.
No, I refuse to add to the cacophony simply because everything that could be said about our plight already has been, innumerable times.
Everyday, we are treated to acres of newsprint, and countless hours of airtime devoted to an endless autopsy on “the good times”, interspersed with speculation on whether or not it is possible to recapture them.
Most annoyingly, this discussion is being conducted in what for most people is a foreign language.
If we could at least understand what the likes of economic stimuli, international share indexes, subprime borrowing, spreads, stagflation, hedge funds (to name but a few examples) actually mean to our everyday lives, then it might make a difference.
But we don’t, because no one has ever taken the trouble to explain anything to us in plain language.
Besides, all any normal person ever wanted to know was who is to blame for the recession? Can it be fixed? How long is it likely to last? And how will it affect him or her personally?
Those questions were answered a long time ago: the bankers and speculators are to blame. Yes, it can be fixed, but as yet we don’t know how. We have no idea how long it will last, and how it affects you personally probably depends on your financial and work situation.
The continuing daily spew of economic gobbledygook is at best an infuriating irrelevance, and at worst a deliberate ploy.
It doesn’t help that we know most of it comes from the mouths and pens of experts who either helped get us into this mess in the first place, or weren’t quite knowledgeable enough to recognise an approaching recession even as it loomed large on the horizon.
Are the commentators and experts deliberately keeping us in the dark? Perhaps we should invite a few of them along, as well, to play a starring role in Big Brother Meets Roman Amphitheatre.
It isn’t even as though this extended postmortem has any hope of ensuring that the same mistakes won’t be made again in the future (check out the US’s Glass-Steagal Act of 1933, particularly why it was introduced and when it was dumped).
Politicians are culpable for our plight too, having removed most of the legislation designed to curb the excesses of greedy bankers and speculators and then bailed them out when they got into trouble.
So it would be highly remiss, if not grossly unfair, if we didn’t whip a bit of sense into a few Government Ministers while we’re about it.
Speaking of fairness and absolute honesty (things that come as unnaturally to me as to the next person), it has to be admitted that the above were not the only people guilty of overwhelming greed, we all were.
It just so happens that they were capable of doing more damage than the rest of us.
On second thoughts, let’s dump the public flogging idea – anyone for a bit of self-flagellation.