Newton's Optic: Bertie's, the venerable Dublin institution, has been losing market share and must close, writes Newton Emerson
Changing consumer tastes and outrageous business charges have been blamed for the demise of Bertie's Accidental-prone Café, the well-known Dublin institution.
"There was a time when people couldn't get enough of Bertie's scrambled waffle but the world has moved on," admitted a company spokesman yesterday.
Analysts say there is no one reason for the failure of Bertie's but the impact of the workplace smoking ban may have been the final blow. "Yes, of course, the smoking ban," said the company spokesman. "It's all Michael Martín's fault."
In recent years Bertie's has been losing vital market share to upstart rivals like Tea-Mobile, Dipsomania and P. O'Neill's Ham Sandwich Emporium which all focus on networks of small outlets. "The key to selling coffee today is to do plenty of work on the grounds," explains Pat Answer, professor of nuclear infusion at Dublin Sunday Business College.
"Offering people little branches everywhere creates a much stronger sense of intimacy than operating out of one huge base in Dublin. Nobody seems to notice that all those little branches are exactly the same or that they are also controlled down to the last detail by a single operator who just wants to force something bitter down your throat."
Bertie's has suffered from an old-fashioned approach to service, according to Prof Answer. "In today's Ireland you can't simply set a cake out and tell everyone to help themselves," he says. "People want their slice handed to them personally on a silver tray."
The company has also struggled to keep up with demand for frothy new products, such as P. O'Neill's "Spicy Colombian" blend or Barstucks "That's Rich" filter-down espresso.
Bertie's was founded in 1916 by a local family under the motto "Keep the kettle boiling" and quickly became a favoured place to while away the hours amongst people who had nothing better to do. In 1921 it split into two branches, only one of which served an Ulster fry.
Bertie's was regarded as an excellent employer where staff could spend a lifetime brewing, stewing and cooking things up. The cafés were also frequented by many famous creative figures, most notably from the worlds of artistry, theatrics and banking. However, the main premises is perhaps best known for its stained reputation windows which almost bankrupted the owners and still cast a remarkable light over the whole operation.
Company sources indicate that this feature will be preserved so that future generations can marvel at its cost and poor transparency.
Management is now considering a partnership deal in a last-ditch attempt to save the much-loved brand. "We've asked a rival to go into business with us while they are still small, so that they will lose control of their own business without putting us out of business," said a boardroom source yesterday.
"Obviously this is an excellent offer on our part which we can't imagine anyone turning down, but for the moment it's all still in the hands of the bean counters."
The company has already tried investing in a new image, added the source. "We've put our hands deep into our pockets. There are a lot of people who say they love Bertie's but they didn't love it enough to do the same. Well, not lately anyway."
Regulars were in shock this morning when they heard the news. "This has been my seat for 20 years!" said a man gripping a chair. "I'm not standing up for anything or somebody else might take it." Others appeared to be in denial. "Bertie's has been here forever and I simply can't imagine that changing," said a man clutching a straw. "In fact I find it so difficult to imagine that I'm just going to sit here reading the paper and hoping for a top-up until they turn out the lights."
Many people expressed particular concern at the loss of an integral part of Dublin's character. "Soon everywhere will look exactly the same," said a woman with a bungalow in Kerry. "It will be an unprecedented cultural tragedy if identical modern High Street chain stores replace identical Edwardian High Street chain stores."
However, barring a complete turnaround in company fortunes this outcome looks increasingly likely. "You have to remember that caffeine is a drug," explains Prof Answer. "That's a market that some of Bertie's rivals understand very well indeed."
Newton Emerson is editor of portadownnews.com