Sir, – I do enjoy those little self-promoting verses they put up on the Dart.
One about St Patrick’s Day runs:
“The parading
The masquerading
The face painting
The patron sainting.”
I am not entirely sure what “patron sainting” is but what of that? It rhymes doesn’t it? Then there’s:
“The mad green hats
The leprechaun onesie
The hustle and bustle
The craic, the funsie.”
I ransacked my dictionary in vain for “funsie”.
But I’m afraid my all-time fave has to be:
“Will I take the car
Give the Dart a miss
And sit in traffic?
I will in my Swiss.”
Well call me an old pedant but if “car” rhymes with “traffic”, I’ll eat my mad green hat. What’s that, Grandma? You don’t get it? It’s rhyming slang. Swiss roll, you see. And the lines surmount a coloured photograph of one as delicious as the “funsie” of the verse itself.
At 6.35pm on Saturday March 7th, I was travelling south from Pearse Street station. After a five-minute halt at Grand Canal Dock it was announced that an accident involving a lorry at Sandymount would occasion a delay of 40 minutes. Forty minutes later, as we approached Blackrock it was further announced that to make up the lost time the train would be non-stop to Bray from Dún Laoghaire. That this might inconvenience ticket-holders for Sandycove, Glenageary, Dalkey, Killiney or Shankill went unmentioned. At 7.30pm the illuminated display in Dún Laoghaire station listed trains 1,2 and 3 for Bray but no times of arrival. Fifteen minutes later a representative explained that this was because there were no more trains for Bray. No refund or apology either.
Walking to Dalkey I composed a quatrain of my own. I offer it gratis to the dedicated workers who provide this unique service:
“We had a crash
That’s your tough luck
We got your cash
Who gives a Donald Duck?”
To be accompanied I suggest by a representation of the beloved sailor-suited waterfowl laughing hysterically. – Yours, etc,
TOM MATHEWS,
Harolds Cross,
Dublin 6W.