An Irishman's Diary

Whenever I watch TG4 these days, I find myself wrestling yet again with the old question: does speaking Irish make you good-looking? That would be one explanation for the extraordinary prevalence of youthful beauty on the station, from the weather forecasts to the news. Mind you, if there is a condition linking fluency in Irish with glamour, women seem to be at greater risk of it.

The alternative possibility - that being good-looking makes you more likely to be a presenter on TG4 - is hardly plausible, or the Equality Authority would have been on the case years ago on behalf of the plain people of Ireland. But a third possibility is that the station has simply found a way to unlock the latent, and sometimes doubted, pulchritude of the Irish race.

There has been a lot of talk about TG4's grooming budget. Apparently the station spends nearly as much on its stars' make-up as the Department of the Taoiseach. The presenters get a clothing allowance too. And yet in media interviews, they often appear charmingly unaware of their own loveliness.

The most that Síle Ní Bhraonáin - presenter of the youth-oriented talk-show Síle - would concede recently was that TG4 is "a young people's station aimed at a young audience [so] it's important that presenters look the part". The vague implication is that young Irish-speakers - the Gaelscoil generation - expect higher standards in personal grooming than the rest of us. And for all I know, this may be true.

There is a growing body of circumstantial evidence for it in the form of bilingual female media personalities. A worry for Irish revivalists is that these tend to start out in TG4 before getting more lucrative contracts in English-language broadcasting. But the conveyor belt is still running in Connemara, so this may all be part of a cunning strategy to infiltrate the Anglophone world. When the Gael-babes achieve critical mass in other stations, they will suddenly revert to Irish and the language will be saved.

The other question about TG4 is: What would Peig Sayers make of it? This is probably not a pressing issue for Síle Ní Bhraonáin's age-group. But for those of who had to study Peig at school and were never offered counselling afterwards, the Blasket woman still looms large in matters Irish, and we need her approval for new developments.

It's 70 years since Peig unleashed her autobiography, with its characteristically optimistic opening: "I am an old woman now with one foot in the grave and the other on its edge. Had I known in advance half, or even one-third, of what the future had in store for me, my heart would not have been as gay or as courageous as it was in the beginning of my days." She was just over 60 at the time and, with the help of a TG4 stylist, could have passed for 45. She would be on the grave's edge for another quarter-century. But be that as it may. The question is: would she now be gay or courageous about the state of Irish-speaking womanhood, as portrayed on TG4? I think she would.

A frequent theme of her memoirs was lament for the loss of youth, as in this extract: "Isn't youth fine! But alas! She cannot be held always! She slips away as the water slips away from the sand of the shore. I think there are no two jewels more valuable than youth and health." So the Blasket woman would surely enjoy the escapism of TG4, the Tir na nÓg of broadcasting. She might be intimidated by the rise in grooming standards in the decades between Peig and Síle. But of TG4's inexhaustible supply of winsome presenters, she would probably quip that, even if the latest star does follow the well-trod path to RTÉ and Sky, her likes will almost certainly be seen again.

Standards are rising everywhere, even in high places. Take the Cliffs of Moher, where I see that the number of buskers applying for licences to play outside the new interpretative centre is fewer than expected, according to Clare County Council. I'm not surprised. Buskers, used to performing when, where and how the humour takes them, now face an assessment process and possible auditions for the right to play at the famous cliffs.

This would be less intimidating anywhere other than Clare, where they take their music as seriously as TG4 presenters take their appearance. So when the council says that musicians will have to meet the "best traditions of busking at the cliffs", applicants should be worried. Tradition is a loaded term in Clare.

Of possible auditions, a council spokesman said the aim would be "to ensure there is a certain musical standard set for all who wish to busk". Elsewhere in Ireland, the meaning of that sentence would be clear. But in Clare, you have to ask whether the word "set", as used there, is a verb or a noun. My guess is that it's the latter and that this is a trick question.

The advice for any musicians applying is to play it safe and stick to the Clare Set. You might get away with the Kerry or the Cashel. But do not on any account attempt the Ballyvourney Jig Set or the Cork-Kerry hornpipes. It goes without saying that you should avoid "Shoe the Donkey", at all costs. Apart from that, good luck with your audition.