BOOK OF THE DAY: Brian Boydreviews Why Do I Say These Things?By Jonathan Ross Bantam Press; 288pp, £18.99
THOSE PRINT journalists who requested interviews with Jonathan Ross on the publication of this book were informed by his agent that the TV entertainer would only be doing radio interviews.
Reading this you can see why: Ross has a natural fluency and an easy wit on TV and radio - at his core he is an entertainer - and he thrives off an audience. Put him in print though and it's like someone writing down a joke for you instead of telling it. A lot is lost in translation.
Undisputed winner of the Most Appropriately Titled Book Of The Year award, this work shows that there is such a thing as bad publicity. Ross was just beginning to climb on board the publicity-go-round for this when the furore over his Russell Brand radio show comments broke. Indeed, the only reason he was on Brand's show was to be interviewed about this book. With promotional duties cancelled and the author now receiving a bit of a kicking from all corners of the media, you can now find this book on the Amazon internet book shop for £9.49 (€11.75) - reduced from its original price of £18.99.
In the introduction he says the book is about "the sort of stuff that I ramble on about in between the records on my radio show". And yes, he can ramble. And wander aimlessly and randomly in an unsystematic fashion. He probably believes the conventional biographical format to be a bit too orthodox for him - but the incontinent nature of his "ramblings" could have done with some form of structure, if only to prevent the reader from getting travel-sickness.
It's a shame, because he has a good story to tell and he is a charmingly likeable and engaging presence throughout. Brought up by arty, working-class parents in east London he, surprisingly for many, reveals himself to have been a "geeky" child. His description of this is telling. Always unable to resist the quick gag at the expense of building a story, he writes: "I was so geeky even paedophiles weren't interested in me." It's a clunky expression, badly used, and this sort of bathos is prevalent in most every chapter.
He works best when he talks about his all-consuming obsession with comics. For many, comic books are a nostalgic throwback to childhood, but Ross has retained his curious fascination with them (one of his children, Jack Kirby, is named after a famous comic-book illustrator) and his inner trainspotter gets a good and eloquent outing. He doesn't fare so well when dealing with the transformative effect on his adolescent life that punk rock music had, but there are some almost poignant moments captured here as again the uber-fan is displayed.
He has been famous since his early 20s (he's now 47) and his ruminations on fame and celebrity are excellent. He talks about how seductive the world is, but also about how ephemeral and cut-throat it can be. He writes candidly about turning down big-money offers when he was unemployed and with a young family to support because the job involved hosting some horrendous reality TV stunt.
Along the way there are some interesting diversions into subjects such as single-sex education and religion, but he never really has the patience to develop, or even finish, his argument. Sex looms large - but in a very laddish way. I didn't really need to know so much about his genitals - and it's more than his doctor and consultant probably know - and did his wife Jane Goldman really need to be introduced so tastelessly?
He met her when she was very young (they were married when she was just 18) and some more on that would have been interesting. Certainly if Ross had this sort of information on a guest on his TV show, he would be the first to ask how long they were going out together before they were married - along with a date/time/place of their first sexual encounter.
If he had more time (parts do appear very rushed) and a clever and ruthless editor, this could have been far superior. He's no Stephen Fry, but going on this, he's not even a Jeremy Clarkson.
• Brian Boyd is a journalist and broadcaster