RITE AND REASON:ALL SOULS' Day, November 2nd, is traditionally set aside in the Christian calendar as a day to remember and commemorate those who have died, writes SUSAN DELANEY
Catholic rituals include attending Mass and reciting prayers for the deceased.
But many cultures also have traditions based on an ancient belief that the souls of the dead return on that day and partake of food. These traditions may include setting an extra place at the table and putting candles in the window to guide the souls back to the house.
In Mexico, the day, known as el día de los muertos,is often marked by the family having a picnic in the graveyard, and making garlands and wreaths to place on the graves.
Some of these customs may seem a little morbid, or even distasteful, to us, but they serve to remind us that different cultures often view death differently. It is not necessarily a sad day, but a day to remember loved ones fondly and to reconnect with ancestors and contemplate the cycle of life and death.
In Ireland we have let go of many of our old customs relating to death and bereavement. Few people, for example, continue the tradition of covering mirrors or pulling curtains after a death.
One of the effects of this change in society is that the bereaved have become less visible in our society, and we have become a little more hesitant in approaching them, no longer sure of the etiquette.
Learning to cope with the loss of a significant person is a long and often painful experience. The grief journey can be very lonely, particularly at this time of year when the days get shorter and the nights draw in.
Irish people understand the importance of acknowledging loss; we attend removals and funerals, we send Mass cards and floral tributes, we bring food.
These gestures provide solace to the bereaved and the kindness shown by family, friends and colleagues is frequently mentioned by the bereaved.
But inevitably life gets busy and we may need a reminder that grieving continues and our support may be needed more than ever as time goes by.
The bereaved person may appear to be coping well as life goes on. But for many, it is in the months after the death that the extent of the loss begins to be felt.
As friends and neighbours resume their normal lives, the bereaved face into months and years of reminders of their loss and the adjustments that need to be made.
We are all a little uncomfortable around the topic of death and may find it difficult to express our condolences to those who have been bereaved.
Our fear of saying the wrong thing or of upsetting someone may lead us to saying nothing at all.
Not acknowledging grief may be a missed opportunity for all of us. Perhaps we can borrow a little from other cultures who view All Souls’ Day as a time to honour death, to fondly remember deceased relatives and friends, and as an opportunity to cast a reflective eye over our own lives and all we take for granted.
As well as remembering those who have gone before us, we can use All Souls’ Day as a reminder to continue to offer support to those who are bereaved.
It is never too late to acknowledge a loss, and a short phone call, a bunch of flowers or a note to someone who is grieving may be very welcome.
Much as we may wish to avoid the topic of death, we know we will all face it at some point in our life. Perhaps All Souls’ Day can become the day in the year when we acknowledge this and support those who are living with loss.
Dr Susan Delaney is a clinical psychologist and bereavement services manager with the Irish Hospice Foundation. This year the foundation produced a bereavement pin, designed by Alan Ardiff, which is aimed to encourage people to acknowledge loss. There are almost 10,000 pins in circulation