When do children first get exposed to pornography? When they get a phone

It is a myth that you can boil a frog by gradually increasing the water’s temperature. Our sane amphibian friends register danger as the water heats and hop out. On the other hand, humans will not only not hop out of boiling water but will vociferously defend their human right to be boiled alive. Worse still, they will witness their children being slowly scalded and wail that there is absolutely nothing to be done about it.

Recently, the UK Children’s Commissioner issued the report Evidence on Pornography’s Influence on Harmful Sexual Behaviour among Children. It is a follow-up to an earlier report, A Lot of It is Actually Abuse, which found that the average age by which children had viewed pornography was 13.

Ten per cent had seen pornography by age nine, and 27 per cent had seen it by 11. Twitter is the most common source for children, followed by porn sites, Instagram and Snapchat. Regular consumption of pornography is commonplace.

[ Judge warns over children’s access to pornography as teenager sentenced for attack on woman walking alone ]

The biggest determiner of when children view it is the age at which they get a phone.

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The material they are viewing is often violent and misogynistic. One British researcher visited the site of a major pornography company on a random day and found cascades of free videos with titles such as “daugh­ter knows her step­dad wants her” (accom­pa­nied by pic­ture of a girl in pig­tails); “first-time sex with my Thai mom”; and “too cute ama­teur girl for anal sex cast­ing”.

It is no coincidence that a practice common in porn, choking – let’s call it by its correct term, strangulation – is now reportedly considered ‘vanilla’ and close to expected behaviour even during first sexual encounters

The vast majority of women portrayed are young or young-looking. The younger the girl or woman, the more likely she is to experience violence, coercion or humiliation, and to simulate pleasure at being treated this way.

Dame Rachel de Souza, the UK Children’s Commissioner, wanted to see if pornography use was implicated in cases where a child is harmed by another sexually or carries out harm. Her team looked at transcripts of interviews with children who had harmed or been harmed sexually and in addition, at Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) forms. The report is careful not to say that every child who looks at pornography will harm another child, stating that the issue is complex and multifaceted. It does say, however, that it is extremely concerning that 50 per cent of the transcripts contain references to acts of sexual violence commonly portrayed in porn. An additional review of some of these cases found children suggesting direct links between pornography exposure and the harmful sexual behaviour exhibited.

The Children’s Commissioner challenges the idea that “people who already have objectifying and aggressive beliefs and behaviours are the people who are more likely to use pornography”. Instead the report relies on a sexual scripts model, which suggests “pornography plays an active role in the shaping and acting out of sexual attitudes and behaviours in the general population”.

[ It’s nonsense to say violent porn damages children but is fine once viewers are over 18 ]

It is no coincidence that a practice common in porn, choking – let’s call it by its correct term, strangulation, with all its potentially lethal consequences – is now reportedly considered “vanilla” and close to expected behaviour even during first sexual encounters.

The porn industry works on a funnel model. The majority of consumers pay nothing, but there are vast profits from the smaller numbers who pay. It is hard to grasp just how vast this industry is. The Children’s Commissioner cites research showing that in 2020, the four largest online pornography sites received a combined 11 billion visits a month. That’s more than the number of monthly visits to Amazon, LinkedIn, Netflix, Zoom and eBay combined. And here we thought people were baking banana bread and binge-watching online series during lockdown.

Children want adults to speak to them about these difficult and sensitive topics, but in a way that will not threaten them with social death, that is, confiscating their phones

The report is unequivocal. No one under 18 should be viewing porn. Sex education needs to address the negative, damaging stereotypes being perpetrated. There is nothing about teaching children about ethical porn, a concept that must be the perfect exemplar of George Orwell’s words from 1984: “Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.” Anyone naive enough to think that young people will pay for ethical porn when there is a free fire hose of degrading, misogynistic and violent images spewing into their phones should not be allowed near the education of young people.

The Children’s Commissioner has a useful publication, The Things I Wish My Parents Had Known. It shows that children want adults to speak to them about these difficult and sensitive topics, but in a way that will not threaten them with social death, that is, confiscating their phones.

It has two really helpful pieces of advice – talk early, talk often; and create the culture before the crisis. In other words, create a safe, judgment‑free space before they have had a chance to access porn. Yes, it’s awkward and potentially cringe-making for all concerned but the alternative to compassionate, empathetic communication is letting our children be metaphorically boiled alive by a vile, greedy multimillion dollar industry.

For families affected by a child harming another child, Dr Kieran McGrath, an independent child welfare consultant, has a free booklet on his website with help and advice. Webwise.ie has resources for anyone concerned about online safety