WHY don't we go to the pub for a couple of drinks?" somebody would say. Silence from the wine drinkers in the party - uneasy, squirming silence. We'd go, anyway, and squirm again when asked what we were having.
Spirits too rough on the battered constitution, soft drinks too icky, beer too bloating, wine too dodgy. Nothing for it but another costly glass of bubbled water.
Wine drinkers were as uncomfortable in a pub as a soccer fan at Lords, or an MTV addict condemned to mother's Mozart. We were fish out of water, parched for the want of something suitable to drink. Until recently, that is.
It's a long time now since the appearance, on pub counters, of the first quarter bottles that seemed to promise our salvation. Some of the early names are still around - strangely, it must be said, for most have been far outstripped in quality and flavour by a whole array of quarter bottles that are new to the market in the past few years. The choice used to lie between red and white. Now it's more likely to be between Rioja, Pinot Noir or Cotes du Rhone; French, Australian or Californian Chardonnay; Muscadet or white Bordeaux. At last, in pubs all over Ireland, the poor neglected wine drinker is being offered a fair deal.
"When I took over this pub 11 years ago," says John Blair of Blair's Inn in Cloghroe, Co Cork, describing a dismally familiar scene, "there was one of those never ending open bottles of wine, just one step up from vinegar. I'd had quarter bottles on planes and trains and I went out looking for them. The first were only one step up from the vinegary stuff in the open bottle - but in the past year or two they've improved beyond all recognition." He now offers customers a choice of a dozen, including the Antonin Rodet Chardonnay listed below.
While many Irish importers are involved in the quarter bottle market to some extent, one company Febvre - has steamed ahead, building up a list of 14 varied and interesting wines in just three years.
"We began to look at food trends, after the tax regulations in relation to expense account eating were changed," explains managing director Anthony Alken. "Where would people go to eat out at a satisfactory price? Pubs and bistros were the answer. Then we began to think about how to duplicate a restaurant wine list in smaller sized bottles, to give pub customers a choice. The reaction has been fantastic. Weave noticed that, without exception, publicans are keen to improve quality."
"Customers know a lot more about wine than they did a couple of years ago," says Pat Kelly, manager of McCormacks in Dun Laoghaire, a vast pub with food turnover to match. "People are asking for the quarter bottles more and more. We have a choice of three whites and three reds which we change when the menu changes, and we'll probably soon have more."
Some pubs even have a quarter bottle wine list which customers can peruse. One such is the Hole in the Wall lounge at the back of the Phoenix Park, with a choice of 16 quarter bottles, changed at regular intervals. "People want a big choice," says manager Martin McCaffrey. "If somebody has been drinking the same red for a few weeks it's great for them to go into their local pub and be told: we've a lovely new Rioja for you to try."
Interestingly, we seem to be streets ahead of the British market, which has been much slower to cotton on to the preference of pub customers for palatable wine in an unopened bottle. British importers have recently been in Ireland catching up with their homework, which makes a cheering change.
"The quarter bottle market is still in an embryonic stage of development here, too," Anthony Alken warns. "It takes time to find suppliers who can provide good wine in this size, but it's going extremely well."
What is the next twist in the unfolding tale? It's down to mathematics, he suggests. The quarter bottles currently on the market at around £2.50 are comparable to a £10 bottle in a restaurant. "The next step is to convince consumers that the £12 or £14 restaurant bottle is also an attractive proposition when divided into four - but I'm not sure people are quite ready yet to pay £3.50 for a quarter bottle." Maybe not, but shouldn't we be, for good wine especially if it is to cost only about 20p more than a Bacardi and coke?
Something to mull over. In the meantime, we wine drinkers should support what the pubs are doing and let them know our likes and dislikes. This week, I had a monster tasting of about 40 quarter bottles from a dozen importers not an entirely comprehensive collection, no doubt, but a reasonably representative selection. They fell into three categories of roughly equal proportions. The first hatch were dire - no other word for it. The second lot, dominated by all the familiar big brands, were commercial and fairly bland. But the final third, whoopee, included an interesting mix of wines, with particularly impressive contrihutions from Spain.
Here are 10 worth looking out for in your local all priced between £2.50 and £2.95.