Taoiseach offered eye test for his visionary illusions

Many people will have forgotten the great Fine Gael election slogan, "Vision, with purpose"

Many people will have forgotten the great Fine Gael election slogan, "Vision, with purpose". But there was a poignant reminder of it in the Dáil this week with the second reading of the Opticians (Amendment) Bill 2002.

And perhaps inspired by this yesterday, Enda Kenny offered the Taoiseach an eye test.

Reminding Mr Ahern that it was the anniversary of his televised showdown with Michael Noonan, Mr Kenny - who inherited Fine Gael's optical practice when Mr Noonan retired - invited him to study the top lines from that debate: elimination of hospital waiting lists, recruitment of 2,000 gardaí, etc.

Then he invited him to look lower down at the smaller print, a year on. What, if anything, could the Taoiseach see there?

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Mr Ahern was only half-joking when he thanked him for the "opportunity".

If there's one thing this Taoiseach loves, it's small print. And as he read them from the chart, Government achievements - including economic growth "second only to China" - were so dazzling, it seemed Mr Kenny would have to prescribe sunglasses.

So the Opposition offered a second opinion. Consultant ophthalmologist Pat Rabbitte focused on the Government's vision vis-a-vis the reintroduction of third-level fees, where he detected a slight squint, with the PDs looking one way and Fianna Fáil the other. He invited Mr Ahern to view the Government's bottom line, and then describe it to everybody else.

But in response, Mr Ahern only spelled out the letters r-e-v-i-e-w, as in the one being carried out by the Minister for Education.

The visit by a parliamentary delegation from Poland seemed to make the house rowdier than normal during leaders' questions.

Even the stern hand of the Ceann Comhairle, who could take the craic out of "Krakow" on occasion, was not enough to ensure good behaviour.

And after Dr O'Hanlon lifted a ban imposed on Tuesday on Fine Gael's Bernard Allen, the gloves were quickly off again.

Much of the heckling was in response to the Taoiseach's combative performance. Christened "Comical Ali" by the Opposition, Mr Ahern was more like Muhammad Ali yesterday, attacking off the ropes at every opportunity.

When the Labour leader reminded him that last year's TV debate was a rarity for the Taoiseach, Mr Ahern snapped that Mr Rabbitte "spends most of his time sitting in a studio - I have more to do".

And congratulating Mr

Kenny on his clear recall of

the event, he suggested it was the only thing Fine Gael

wanted to remember about

last year.

For his part, Mr Kenny compared a 1980s Taoiseach - "closing beds and buying Charvet shirts" - with the current one, "closing beds and buying jets".