Speech from `dock' grips the gallery

It was the best show in town - free seats, razor-sharp dialogue and the best one-liners this side of Hollywood.

Mr Garrett Cooney, eminent senior counsel for Joseph Murphy Structural Engineering, came to deliver the legal equivalent of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, currently showing in town. But what he got was a cross between Grumpy Old Men and Mr Smith Goes to Washington.

Fresh from being "rested on grass" for a week, Mr James Gogarty was at his prickly best, constantly interrupting Mr Cooney's questions and launching appeals to his supporters in a packed hall. The other James - Stewart - would have been proud.

Most impressive was the lightning-sharp reaction from the 81-year-old witness to the odd lawerly fumble. When Mr Cooney complained about Mr Gogarty's technique of making "long rambling speeches from the dock," the witness was in like a shot. "From the dock? Put me in the dock, that's where they want me, in the dock. Oh Jesus, oh Mother of God." He stood up and made as to leave the, er, witness box, returning to collect his walking stick.

That one drew a burst of applause from those members of the audience who weren't bent double from laughter. Mr Justice Flood called a 10-minute "timeout". Mr Gogarty tottered out of the box and collapsed in a seat at the back of the hall.

The chairman returned with a few mildly stated words about maintaining decorum. "And I invite your co-operation in the circumstances if some levity does arise, to treat it calmly because we cannot have clapping at any time. Thank you very much."

But Mr Justice Flood couldn't resist his own stab at a joke shortly after. Mr Gogarty and Mr Cooney were at it again, with counsel accusing the witness of "playing the old soldier". Mr Gogarty replied: "Don't you play the old soldier with me. You're trying to make me out a liar. If I said I had cornflakes for breakfast, you'd say I had porridge".

Later, Mr Gogarty said he'd take what Mr Cooney said with a pinch of salt.

"On his cornflakes," the chairman interjected.

Before he finished, the witness threw in a few more taunts. Mr Cooney was "a divil for making suggestions", he was always "hiding behind procedures and spin-doctoring", and so on. One day, when the chairman comes to read the evidence on a cold page, he will make an objective judgment on the arguments.

But yesterday, there was no doubt to whom the day belonged.