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Thinking Anew: Drawing courage from an apostle’s doubt

A painting by an unknown artist of the 18th century in the Chiesa di Santo Tomaso, Turin.

Michael Commane
Sat Apr 27 2019 - 00:01

The expression “Doubting Thomas” has its origins in tomorrow’s Gospel (John 20: 19 – 31). It’s the Gospel that records how Thomas, who was one of the apostles, one of Jesus’s inner circle, was slow to believe. He wanted concrete evidence before he was prepared to believe that the risen Jesus had appeared to his fellow apostles.

It’s a Gospel that gives solace to those of us who never stop doubting.

Another interesting aspect of this Gospel is St John’s recording how the disciples were so afraid and nervous that they had closed the doors to the room where they had gathered.

All the various forms of fear and doubt can easily and often bedevil our lives. And yet there is an important role for doubting and fearing.

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I’m always nervous of people who are certain. Self-confidence has its place but it can also be a superficial mechanism for hiding a multitude.

There’s a place for a healthy scepticism in our lives.

Patrick Kavanagh captures the damage that a “know-all” environment can cause. In his poem Advent he begins: “We have tested and tasted too much, lover,/Through a chink too wide there comes in no wonder.”

And later in that verse he talks of “The knowledge we stole but could not use.”

Certainty about anything in the physical or material world requires an element of scepticism, a spoonful of care. So what happens when we begin to try to talk about God, the God of the incarnation, the God of the resurrection? What at all have we to say, what can we say, indeed, what dare we say about God?

These days we often hear people who say they do not believe in God admit that they envy those who do. They go on to say they would like to have the certainty of their believing friends or that steadfast faith that their parents had.

On the other hand we meet people who have no doubt whatsoever about God, resurrection and eternal life. But I think it’s more than fair to say that for most of us ordinary mortals there are always moments of doubt during our spiritual journey.

Some weeks ago when we saw the pictures of a black hole there was nothing to do but stand back in awe at the vastness of the universe. The black hole is 65 billion times bigger than our sun. Light, that travels at approximately 3,000 kilometres per second, cannot penetrate the black hole. And this is just one black hole in our galaxy.

And then we mention God’s name. The more that I see and learn about the vastness of the world about me, the more I think how important it is to be careful and measured mentioning God’s name.

The vastness of reality must surely tempt us to wonder about our own significance. And then there is God, the almighty being. Through the Scriptures, through the various forms of revelation we can get tiny glimpses of the reality of God. In Jesus, God is revealed most fully to us. And that too might help us in seeing our uniqueness and importance in God’s eyes.

Thomas’s doubting gives me great comfort, hope too and also helps me get some understanding of God’s mercy and kindness. The disciples were also afraid, so much so that they kept the doors closed.

I often look back at my schooldays and how afraid I was. As a result, my learning ability suffered. Later as a teacher I saw so clearly that fear plays a major role in inhibiting people from learning.

And again, maybe we have over-concentrated in warning people about God.

Tomorrow’s Gospel is the perfect reading for those of us who are inclined to doubt the existence of God and are forever suspect of any and all forms of brainwashing.

Australian Jesuit priest Richard Leonard in an article in the Tablet quoted the early church father Irenaeus: “The glory of God is humanity fully alive.”

Leonard is convinced that Easter glory allows us to be the most loving people we can possibly be. And that happens in the context of all our doubting and fear.

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