Miriam Lord: Talkative Mary has relationships with all sides

Gerry Adams demands the full attention of the chamber when he speaks. If there is background chatter, the Sinn Féin leader will stop talking and wait until he gets his due consideration.

But it’s getting more and more difficult to control the miscreants.

If the Taoiseach does what is widely expected of him and asks the President to dissolve parliament at the beginning of February, this means there are just four voting days left in the 31st Dáil.

The TDs are in a state of high excitement.

Adams rose during the Order of Business to ask questions about forthcoming legislation and slip in another little speech about the outgoing Government’s record.

Nobody was listening. Too busy shouting across the floor about appointments to State boards.

Giddiness

So Gerry stopped and waited, but didn’t get his desired reaction.

“There’s a lot of giddiness about,” he tut-tutted to the Ceann Comhairle.

“There is,” sighed a weary Seán Barrett. “I think there might be an election in the air.”

“You’re getting nowhere, shouting at each other,” he told all sides during Leaders’ Questions. “Nobody can hear a thing!”

The exchanges between the Taoiseach and the two main Opposition leaders had an edge to them.

But Finian McGrath, appearing for the Technical Group, made a fatal error in his contribution on the state of our A&E departments by asking Enda to “outline his vision” for health.

You never, ever, ask a senior politician to outline their “vision” on anything. It’s an invitation to talk forever about themselves and their perceived achievements.

Enda, Micheál and Gerry rehearsed the campaign to come. They each accused the other of lacking credibility.

Enda said the Fianna Fáil leader has none when it comes to discussing the economy. “Zero, zilch, nothing.”

Exasperated

“People are fed up with you,” said an exasperated Martin. “And they’re fed up with you,” howled the other side.

As Micheál berated the Government for its failure to build social housing in recent years, Derek Keating, a Fine Gael backbencher, summarised what will be the Coalition’s approach to Fianna Fáil by repeatedly bellowing: “It’s your fault. It’s your fault. It’s your fault!”

Gerry Adams, on the other hand, continued road-testing some phrases which are sure to find their way into the Sinn Féin battle blueprint.

Fine Gael’s 2011 election promises were “cynical rhetoric” while the much vaunted five-point plan “was never a plan, it was a PR device”.

The people want “fairness, equality, transparency and a caring society”.

He had a go over "cronyism" and Joan Burton's "arrogant" appointment of former union boss David Begg to the Pensions Authority. Gerry wasn't impressed by Enda's expression of confidence in her.

The Taoiseach’s reply was robust. As in his exchanges with Micheál Martin, he sounded well drilled and well informed.

As for expressing confidence, Enda had this to say to the Sinn Féin leader: “It ill behoves you to talk about confidence for anybody when you stood up in public and said you had wonderful confidence in one Slab Murphy.”

It was far more genteel outside Leinster House a little earlier when Fianna Fáil decided to launch another billboard.

The first effort didn’t go well as it featured a large, unthreatening photograph of the Taoiseach, a lot of words about health, a big Fine Gael logo and a hint of Fianna Fáil buried in the small print.

This time it was about crime. Would there be a nice fluffy photo of Frances Fitzgerald?

It was very dark image, showing the back of a man wearing what appeared to be a butcher’s glove and holding up a crowbar.

Two shifty-looking gardaí loitered on the other side of the poster, looking the other way.

“More gardaí in the community” was the message. Underneath the burglar it said: “An Ireland for All.”

Crowbars for everyone!

The party’s justice spokesman, Niall Collins, was joined by election candidates Cllr David McAuliffe (Dublin North-West), who said nothing, and Senator Mary White, candidate in Dublin Rathdown, who is incapable of saying nothing.

Folly

Niall spoke of rising crime rates. “Elderly people, in particular, are living in fear.”

Fianna Fáil want to see Garda stations reopened.

“I say it was folly by Alan Shatter to close the Stepaside Garda station,” declared Mary, wearing a large Vote Mary White badge on her coat.

Senator White said burglars were getting in and out of south Dublin via the M50 and on the Luas.

Gardaí should be assigned to the Luas where they can arrest people “if they are suspicious they are burglars”.

Collins agreed that Fianna Fáil closed Templemore after promising 15,000 gardaí in their 2007 manifesto.

He explained this was due to the economic crash.

However, when the Coalition began recruiting in many sectors of public service again, they left it very late to reopen Templemore and take on more gardaí, even though they were “recruiting into the Defence Forces”.

Of course they were. Enda urgently needed those soldiers to guard the ATMs.

The event ended on an entertaining note when White was asked for her personal views on whether Fianna Fáil could go into government with Fine Gael or Sinn Féin.

“Well, the official Fianna Fáil . . . well, the party view is that we will not go into coalition with Fine Gael or Sinn Féin.”

But what did she think? Had she not spoken positively about Sinn Féin in the past?

Guillotine

Mary took slight exception to the line of questioning.

“Excuse me. Sorry. I’ve spoken publicly about all sides. I have relationships: my great grandmother was a Presbyterian, so I have relationships with all sides, the loyalists, the unionist, etc etc, all parties so . . . I know what you’re trying to get me to say but . . .”

Fianna Fáil’s director of communications began making frantic guillotine signs from the margins, drawing his finger across his neck.

Niall Collins stepped in. “The party leader set out the position at the weekend and it hasn’t changed. Thanks very much.”

Fine Gael is full of Presbyterians. We might have that Grand Coalition yet.