Miriam Lord’s Week: Irish lads keep it cool in royal presence

“Howaya doin’. I met your mother on the Rock-a- Cashel!”

And with that arresting opening line, Fine Gael TD Noel Coonan had Princess Anne’s full attention.

She dined with members of the British-Irish Parliamentary Assembly on Monday night after the body held its plenary session in Cheltenham, the constituency of its co-chairman, Laurence Robertson MP.

The conference dinner took place at Cheltenham Racecourse, in a suite overlooking the track. It was a slight change of scenery for Anne, who officially opened a new stand at the course a few days earlier.

While Coonan may not have stood on ceremony, Frank Feighan, Irish co-chair of the assembly, stuck to the protocol.

Apparently “it was Your Royal Highness the first time and then Ma’am after that”. Not surprisingly, they had a great chat about horses.

“I learned more about horses during that dinner than I’d learned in my entire life,” Frank says of his “very engaging” dinner companion.

The princess also revealed that she had a keen interest in lighthouses.

At one point in the evening, there was a kerfuffle at a table further down the room when Senator John Crown jumped up from his seat and gave a little cheer.

HRH wondered what was going on, whereupon Frank told her that the Irish soccer team was playing a very important European Championship playoff match and he presumed they had scored.

Anne said that while she was more of a rugby woman – she regularly visits Dublin to shout on Scotland in the Six Nations – she was very disappointed when Scotland failed to qualify for Euro 2016.

Then, the princess told Feighan not to stand on ceremony on her account and to turn on his Twitter feed for updates.

Anne also had a long chat with Coonan about Coolmore Stud.

Mercifully, the Tipperary North TD decided not to treat her to his party piece: an emotionally overwrought ballad about Michael Collins which has the power to reduce the Blueshirts to tears.

Dominick Chilcott, the British ambassador to Ireland, who travelled over for the dinner, will have been relieved.

McGrath makes most of TV appearance but mysteriously misses ideal photo-op

Mattie McGrath and Séamus Healy were the only TDs from Tipperary South to appear on Vincent Browne’s show from the constituency this week. The other three – Alan Kelly, Tom Hayes and Michael Lowry – were otherwise engaged.

McGrath and his fellow Independent made the most of their time in the limelight by squabbling noisily for the duration of the show. Browne said the pair of them looked like “Podge and Rodge”.

Despite the dogged Healy winning on points following a late surge – he slipped in the fact that McGrath voted for Fianna Fáil’s austerity budgets before cleverly bailing out of the party a month before the last general election – Mattie was delighted with his overall performance.

The programme was pre-recorded for broadcast on Wednesday night, which is when Mattie repaired to the Dáil members’ bar to admire himself in action.

The television was turned up high and a group of Fianna Fáilers and Independent TDs and Senators joined a buoyed-up Mattie.

But the Fine Gaelers (and Minister Alan Kelly) further down the bar took grave exception to this noise pollution and protested at having to listen to McGrath “in surround sound”. Áine Collins was then dispatched to take control of the remote, whereupon a tense standoff ensued. Words were exchanged amid allegations that the Government was trying to silence a fellow TD.

Mattie won the day – and the remote control – and the disgusted Blueshirts (and Kelly) were forced to endure the rest of the entertainment.

It has been an interesting week for McGrath. He attended a glitzy black-tie ball in the elegant surrounds of Tipperary’s Kilshane House last Saturday night in aid of the Jack and Jill Children’s Foundation.

For some strange reason, his presence at the Jazz Age Vintage Ball in Bansha was of interest to some of his political rivals, who were very curious to know if Mattie managed to meet the wedding couple seated at the very next table.

Politicians adore weddings and love having their photographs taken with the principals. It’s as good as going to four funerals.

We hear Mattie’s ears pricked up when he heard that an engaged couple, due to tie the knot three days later, were in the ballroom. And, joy of joys, they both have strong family connections to Tipperary.

Unfortunately, possibly due to demands on his time or what not, Mattie didn’t get around to meeting the couple on the night. An unusual lapse for such a savvy grassroots operator, some might say, particularly when the happy couple were getting so much attention.

This was because Cormac Gollogly and Richard Dowling were about to make history and become the first same-sex couple to get married in Ireland under the new marriage equality legislation.

Kilshane House co-owner Jane de Roquancourt was one of the witnesses at their wedding.

The happy couple also appeared on last night’s Late Late Show.

It’s most unlike Mattie, who staunchly opposed the new law, to miss out on such a good publicity opportunity. Political rivals, inexplicably sniggering, told us they were mystified. The photos turned out beautiful.

The great and the good descend on the Kingdom to launch Healy-Rae book

Kilgarvan, Co Kerry is the place to be this afternoon when Michael O’Regan, our esteemed parliamentary correspondent and professional Kerryman, launches the latest addition to the growing canon of work on the Healy-Rae political phenomenon.

The Healy-Raes: A Twenty-Four Seven Political Legacy is by former Irish Examiner journalist Donal Hickey, who has been writing about the Healy-Raes since the 1970s and is showing no sign of letting up.

O’Regan will be holding forth in the Healy-Rae lounge bar between the hours of 3pm and 6pm but will not be paying for the free drink.

The book traces the growth of the dynasty, from Jackie’s impoverished youth in the 1930s to his success as a businessman and his long political career. It also charts the careers of current TD Michael Healy-Rae, his brother Danny and Danny’s son, Johnny, who are members of Kerry County Council.

Hickey writes that it didn’t take long for Jackie to make his mark on Kerry County Council in the early 1970s.

“Very soon he was being reported in the Kerryman for his sometimes outlandish statements at meetings.

“One day, when complaining about a rat-infested public dump outside Killarney, he claimed the rodents were so numerous they were saluting him as he drove to council meetings.

“The county engineer played down the claim, saying he had no such experience. A headline in that week’s paper read: ‘Rats recognise councillor but not county engineer’.’’

FG desperately seeking female election candidates – there’s a lot of money at stake

It was a big day out for the Fine Gael women yesterday when Fionnuala O’Kelly (Enda’s missus) hosted the party’s annual Ladies Lunch in Dublin’s Intercontinental Hotel in Ballsbridge.

MC for the occasion was Sligo Senator Imelda Henry, who introduced Fionnuala to the 300-plus crowd as “the most influential person in Ireland”.

Guest speaker at the event was MEP Deirdre Clune, who spoke at some length, and then some more. The FG ladies were ravenous by the time she finished and made quick work of their chicken.

Fionnuala was joined at the top table by four pals from Mayo: her daughter Aoibhinn; Leonora Carey from Clare, who is chairperson of the party’s national executive; Mary Danagher, another longstanding member of the national executive; and Ann Strain, who is Fine Gael’s former national fundraiser.

Meath East TD Regina Doherty brought her mother Maria Dalton, who was a local election candidate for Fine Gael in the 1979 local elections in Dublin North. She was a running mate of former minister Nora Owen, who achieved her first electoral success that year. Maria was Regina’s director of elections in 2011.

The aforementioned Nora hosted a table, as did June Bruton (wife of Richard), Dorothy Reilly (wife of James) and Genevieve Hayes (wife of Brian).

Party trustee Mary Hayes was there as usual, while Trish Carey, wife of party trustee Jerry Carey, headed up the Cork contingent.

Marguerite MacCurtain, who is married to strategist Frank Flannery, took a table again this year. A regular at the event since its inception, she was absent last time when Frank got into a spot of bother over his refusal to appear before the Oireachtas Committee of Public Accounts and left the party. But it looks like he’s back in favour now. Some people are even predicting that Enda could offer poor Frank a berth in the Seanad, all things going well in the election. He’d love that.

The female candidates were out in force for the €100-a-plate lunch, where raffle prizes included cookery lessons in Ballymaloe, a champagne lunch in the Intercontinental (formerly the Four Seasons), Newbridge jewellery and beautiful hampers from Barry’s Tea.

A fine body of women they may be, but there aren’t enough of them. We hear that party headquarters is frantically trying to find five more women general election candidates to add to various tickets in order to comply with the gender quota rule.

At this stage, kidnapping has not been ruled out. Inducements may be offered. There’s a lot of money at stake if they don’t field the required percentage.