Ciara Conway: ‘He is her dad, just not in the eyes of the law’

“He is her dad, she is his daughter, but just not in the eyes of the law.”

Labour TD Ciara Conway is one of thousands of parents stuck in a legal limbo waiting for the Children and Family Relationships Bill to be enacted.

Conway was 20 when she had her daughter Aeva-May. Ten years later, she met her now husband Gary Honer, and the two got married in December 2013.

Now Honer wants to adopt the 13-year-old and legally become her guardian but, under the current legislation, the TD would also have to adopt her own child.

Aeva-May’s birth certificate would be replaced with an adoption certificate showing Conway as her daughter’s adoptive mother.

“When we got married, we started to look into how Gary would adopt Aeva-May. The legislation was that if a woman had a child before she was married and the child wanted to have another full guardian, full parent, she herself would have to adopt her own child,” says Conway.

“We spoke about it, but that was not what we wanted. I knew the Child and Family Relationships Bill was hoping to deal with this but it was a long time in train.”

Loses parental rights

Under the legislation, a step-parent adoption can only take place when the natural parent and the step-parent adopt the child. Otherwise the natural parent loses his or her rights to the child.

The Children and Family Relationships Bill changes that and allows for a spouse or a civil partner to apply to become a joint guardian of the child.

It will remove the artificial procedure of having a parent adopting their own child or children.

Despite its passage through the Houses of the Oireachtas it has yet to be enacted or commenced.

Minister for Justice Frances Fitzgerald and Minister for Children James Reilly are eager for this to be dealt with in October.

However, Conway, who is a TD for Waterford, admits she is worried that this will fall off the legislative agenda and will not be dealt with before the next general election.

She said: “We saw how long it took for the Children and Family Relationship Bill to come through. It is such a complex piece of legislation.

“The departments need to get their ducks in a row. I am petrified that it won’t get enacted in the lifetime of this Government. I have spoken to Frances Fitzgerald and James Reilly personally about it and I know they are very committed to it.

“Once it goes through, there has to be the application and the assessments. I know the process has to be thorough and it has to be done to the letter of the law. It is such an important and significant step for any child but it can take up to 18 months.

“Aeva-May is 13 now. Eighteen is staring us down quite quickly and once a child turns 18, she is no longer eligible. Once you’re an adult you can’t be adopted. So we are facing a race against time.”

For all intents and purposes, Honer is Aeva-May’s dad. They bicker like fathers and daughters do and she is rightly mortified when he steps out in socks and sandals.

“He is her dad. She is his daughter. But just not in the eyes of the law.”

The limbo means that if Aeva-May needs the signature of a parent it has to be Conway’s. Honer has no say in the education or health of his step-daughter.

“It is really important for medical consent, school, the day-to-day of a child’s life.

“If, for whatever reason, I wasn’t around – and with the kind of work I do, there is a good chance I might not be. Aeva-May was sick over Easter, she had to have an operation.

“I had to be there all of the time because Gary had no legal right to sign a form even though he has been her dad for the past four years.”

The delay is understandably frustrating Aeva-May, who can’t understand why the process is taking so long. She went with her parents when they met their solicitor about formally starting the process.

Conway said: “I know that she thinks about it a lot and it is important for her for her identity. She is really anxious, she wants to feel safe and secure.

“She has plans to have a party when it goes through and have a banner saying ‘it’s a girl’.

“I am always cognisant of the fact that if anything ever happened to me, where would Aeva-May be?”

“I know there are a lot of families out there just like us. They are waiting for the the legislation to begin.

“It will give families like us peace of mind.”