Dentist Colin Howell broke down in the witness box today as he gave evidence in the double murder trial of his former lover.
Howell, 51, who has already pleaded guilty to killing his wife Lesley and Trevor Buchanan - the policeman husband of his then mistress Hazel Stewart - wept when asked to tell the jury at Coleraine Crown Court when he and Lesley’s four children were born.
Stewart, who is accused of the double murder in May 1991, sat impassively in the dock as her ex-boyfriend explained why he had confessed to the crimes, which he originally staged to look like a suicide pact, 18 years later.
“I just knew that the time had come that the truth had to be told,” he said, his voice cracked and low.
“I was overwhelmed by my conscience from hiding those crimes for such a long time.
“I believed there still were scars that needed to be put right and I wanted to tell the truth, that was my only motive.”
The bodies of Mrs Howell (31) and Mr Buchanan (32) were found in a fume-filled garage in the seaside town of Castlerock.
Howell, who is serving a 21-year sentence at Maghaberry prison, Co Antrim, had poisoned them as they slept in their own homes then set up a scene to look as though they had taken their own lives, because they could not cope with his and Stewart’s affair.
Stewart, 47, from Ballystrone Road, Coleraine, denies the murder charges.
Howell, dressed in what appeared to be the same grey suit he was sentenced in before Christmas, arrived at court in a prison van for what was expected to be the first of two days as a Crown witness.
In front of judge Mr Justice Anthony Hart he recounted in detail how and why his affair with Stewart had developed in 1990.
He claimed he and his wife Lesley had relationship problems before their marriage in 1983 and these got worse as the years passed.
The dentist claimed his wife had started to express doubts about why they had got married in the first place.
“So I eventually lost my motivation as well and began to look around,” he added.
“We came into the marriage with unhappiness between us but we both sincerely wanted it to work, but it didn’t.”
Howell said his unhappiness grew when his wife was pregnant with their youngest two children Daniel and Jonathan in the late 1980s - a time, he said, when he had to shoulder more of the burden of looking after the family.
“Lesley was very astute and intelligent, a match for me, so there were often arguments and debates and she generally got the upper hand,” he said.
He said this made him feel insecure and he wanted to “look for someone who approved of me”.
“That’s probably part of the reason for having an affair with Hazel - the attention I got,” he told the court.
Howell said he had got to know Stewart, who also attended his church, when she worked as an assistant in the playgroup his children attended.
They grew closer when they both took their children for swimming lessons, he said.
“She approached me and said she was impressed with the way I was doing my front crawl. That she would like to do it the way I did because she had problems breathing.”
He said he gave her a few lessons and on the third he recalled running his hand across her stomach.
“She didn’t object,” he said.
The dentist said he then apologised and admitted he was not having “innocent thoughts” about her.
“She said ‘Well, I’m not that innocent myself’ and she swam away,” he claimed.
Howell said the affair developed into a sexual relationship weeks later when he went round to her house on the pretence of giving her guitar lessons.
PA