The second decade of the 21st century gets off to a bright start when Ireland is chosen to host the 2016 Olympic Games. After years of derision, veteran TD Gay Mitchell is quietly modest about his role in the achievement, a point he develops in a three-and-a-half hour speech to the Dail.
On a less happy note, there is the usual trouble at the Twelfth of July parade in Slane, Co Meath, when gardai forcibly remove protesters blocking the route of the Orangemen's now traditional march to the Boyne. Sinn Fein calls for the disbandment of the "discredited" Garda Siochana and its replacement by a model similar to the Northern Ireland Police Department. The chief commissioner of the NIPD, Billy Hutchinson, declines comment.
The 2011 general election produces no overall majority, but a coalition of Fianna Fail, Sinn Fein, and Cork separatists (who exploit resentment over bad refereeing decisions in the previous year's All-Ireland final to win four seats) forms a Government.
Caoimghin O'Caolain becomes Minister for the Environment, a position the party also holds in Stormont. Promising identical policies North and South, a triumphant Sinn Fein proclaims a 32-county environment and says that, as a consequence, all recorded versions of the ballad "Only Our Rivers Run Free" can now be handed in to the international decommissioning body.
Meanwhile, the Government promises a referendum on devolution in Cork, but pro-republican rebels stage a show of defiance, holding up the Dublin train at Mallow and stealing all the sandwiches.
Cynicism about politics affects the presidential elections in November, when the veteran turkey, Dustin, wins more than half the votes cast. His election is eventually overruled on the grounds that, although old for a turkey, he is not the 35 years of age required by the Constitution. There is relief in political circles as the presidency is awarded instead to the runners-up, Podge and Rodge, who take office on a job-share.
There is renewed concern about drugs in sport when the winner of the 2012 Community Games 60-metre-dash (under-12) tests positive for the steroid Nandrolone. Despite a sophisticated legal defence based on allegations that his mother tampered with sandwiches, the athlete is banned for four years.
Meanwhile, as fewer and fewer original challenges remain, a daring stunt by a German parachutist goes horribly wrong when the wind changes just as he attempts to jump off the top of the Millennium Spike in O'Connell Street. Impaled for several hours, he is eventually winched to safety by a Air Corps helicopter. He makes a full recovery from his injuries, although not before inspiring an appalling series of kebab jokes.
President Clinton makes a return visit to Ireland in 2014 as, back home, her second term continues to be dogged by scandal. She vehemently rejects suggestions that her career has become a mission to reverse the humiliations heaped on her during the 1990s, stamping her cigar out in the face of the reporter who asks the question at a press conference after she trounces Dick Spring over 18 holes in Ballybunion.
Meanwhile, amid allegations that the President has had an improper relationship with the entire White House security staff, an emotional Bill stands by her.
The increasingly multi-cultural nature of Irish society causes problems as the decade wears on, with Bord Failte forced to recruit Irish characters to hang places frequented by tourists, saying things like: "I knew that Brendan Behan fella well."
In this rapidly changing Ireland, the GAA remains a bastion of traditional values. But there is controversy at the organisation's 2015 annual congress when president-elect Mohammad al Rafsanjani condemns the baring of legs by camogie players. His comments are applauded by the mostly veiled female delegates.
The Dublin Olympics are the first of the modern era to be completely drug-free and prove a huge success, the highlight being the men's 100 metres final, won in a sizzling 12 seconds by some skinny guy. In an emotional speech to the Dail, Gay Mitchell says Ireland is now ready to host other major international events, such as the Super Bowl, Wimbledon and the Paris-Dakar Rally. He receives a standing ovation before being taken away by men in white coats.
On the arts front, "1916 - the Musical" is slammed by critics after its opening night at the Point. But producer Michael Flatley rejects the criticisms, especially those concerning a controversial dance sequence in which Patrick Pearse (Ronan Keating) tears the skirt off Countess Markievizc (Britney Spears) while the latter sings: "Is that an Easter Rising or are you just pleased to see me?" People should "lighten up," Flatley says.
Despite the panning, the show becomes a huge international success, and its songs sweep the boards at the MTV awards (held, incidentally, in "Europe's most happening city", the Armenian capital of Yerevan).
As the traffic problem grows ever worse by 2017, car-based shanty towns have begun to spring up in the suburbs of Ireland's cities, with drivers abandoning attempts to get to the office or home, dropping out of society instead and living full-time in their vehicles. Many turn to crime, preying on those still commuting.
Meanwhile, Amnesty International launches an inquiry into the increasingly draconian efforts to combat illegal parking in the city, amid allegations that offenders are being systematically "disappeared".
Ireland's multicultural soccer team wins the 2018 World Cup, with goals from midfielder Sean Og Dumitrescu, defender and former Clare hurler Michael "Mickey" Mbonga, and veteran striker Robbie Keane proving too much for the other surprise finalists, the Basque Country. Celebrations at home continue for weeks and are marred only by rioting in Cork, where locals were cheering for the Basques.
Computers continue to improve the quality of people's lives in 2019, despite pressure on the infrastructure which sees the information superhighway closed outbound for the next five years due to resurfacing work. Children's diets have also improved immeasurably thanks to GM technology which has learned how to make broccoli taste like junk food. But technology remains controversial too, especially when the employers' body IBEC calls for the increased use of cloning to address the labour shortage.
As the decade closes and the centenary of independence looms, Ireland is in a reflective mood, with the term "2020 vision" appearing almost daily in newspaper headlines. Now richer than Switzerland, and just as boring, Ireland has become a model for underdeveloped states everywhere. The Irish Times catches the national mood: "There is nothing than an average citizen cannot now achieve provided he or she wants it badly enough," writes the paper's editor, Frank McNally.
Meanwhile at Dublin Castle, the Flood tribunal drags on.
Frank McNally can be contacted at fmcnally@irish-times.is