In Praise of: Tim Vine

First comic to win funniest joke award at Edinburgh Fringe twice

Comedian Tim Vine
Comedian Tim Vine

"I've decided to sell my Hoover . . . well, it was just collecting dust," was the glorious one-liner which earlier this week saw Tim Vine become the first comic to win the funniest joke award at the Edinburgh Fringe twice.

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again,” won him the illustrious award in 2010.

These are just two magic moments in a career full of them. Here are some of the rest of his best, in no particular order.

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Crime in multistorey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

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Exit signs? They’re on the way out

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I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

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So I said to a Scotsman: ‘did you have terrible spots as a kid?’ He said:

“ac ne”.

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Black Beauty? Now there’s a dark horse

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Conjunctivitis

. com - that’s a site for sore eyes.

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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

“Can you give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.”

His comedy is not to everyone’s taste certainly – and some people might be worn down by his rapid delivery and sometimes excruciating puns after just a couple of minutes – but he is the undisputed king of the one-liner and is always good value for money – unlike Velcro, which is a complete rip-off.

Conor Pope

Conor Pope

Conor Pope is Consumer Affairs Correspondent, Pricewatch Editor