Mankind's preference for right-handedness is thought to have originated with sun worship. In the northern hemisphere, to follow the sun you have to face south and move from left to right until the sun sets in the west. This gave moving to the right and the right-hand side greater significance. There is also the "majority rules" factor - 90 per cent of the population is right-handed. But in an era in which individuality is applauded and being different is the defining factor, is there anything novel about being a 21st-century citeog?
Religiously, Christianity has always been strongly biased towards the right, "the righthand side of God", the blessing, the sign of the cross etc. The left hand was associated with the darker forces, the devil himself and fares worst in the parable of the sheep and the goats. In it, the sheep (not known for their leadership qualities) are set on Christ's right side. The goats (renowned only for their stubbornness) are put on the left. Those on the right inherited the kingdom of God, those on the left are sent into everlasting fire. Stern stuff indeed.
The left hand fares no better in Islam where it and everything associated with it was seen as unclean - stemming from the Middle Eastern custom of using the left hand and water rather than toilet paper. Historically, before the French Revolution, nobles sat on the right-hand of the king while the capitalists sat on the left. The right became associated with the established order, the left with the subversive elements wanting to change it. Political manifestos are not as tangible in Dail Eireann where, scorning superstition, the Government sits on the left-hand side of the Ceann Comhairle, reflecting and respecting the Republic's first government's decision. This same protocol is observed in the Seanad.
The Taoiseach is himself a citeog. In reality, the only people who comment on being a citeog are fellow citeogs, who tend to proclaim our artistic, musical and creative heritage. It is the right hemisphere of the brain that controls the left hand and holistic thinking, music, art, creativity, perception, emotions - all qualities that embrace individuality. But for every positive, there is a darker negative - supposedly we're more prone to alcoholism, drug-addiction, schizophrenia etc.
Meanwhile, being a citeog is no longer the curiosity it used to be, not least because of the development of technology. Writing was once the biggest difference between left and right-handers, but the physical skill of writing has become less and less important. Many of use keyboards in our everyday work; an intelligent computer mouse can detect a left-hander by the way he or she uses the controls and adjusts itself accordingly. But equally, there is a specialist market catering for the left-handed technically accomplished. There are left-handed keyboards for accountants and suchlike - the numberpad and arrow keys to the left of the main "qwerty" keyboard. We can even buy fountain pens for left-handers. Writing, for me, was never a problem. Blessed with a mother who was a teacher, I was treated to one-to-one schooling and was able to read and write before going to school, bypassing the first and nowadays only real trauma most citeogs experience.
It was at age nine, when I was introduced to the concept of knitting, that my false citeog-confidence was given a knock. The interaction of the two needles, the binding of the wool, the plain and purl rhythm confounded me - dextrous, it turns out, I was not.
Once again, my mother came to the rescue by giving me grinds at home to help me understand the procedure but I was incapable of reversing the instructions to suit my way of thinking. The result was an awkward pair of needles held at 45 degrees to the rest of my body, much frustration and many, many dropped stitches.
This citeog behaviour provided much family entertainment, although whether for my stern face of concentration or the sight of my needles being wielded in such a clumsy fashion I do not remember. Needless to say, the needles and I swiftly parted company. I never had time to question why nine-year-olds in Donegal were knitting balaclavas . . .
Can you detect a hand preference in the womb? Peter McParland, director of foetal medicine in the National Maternity Hospital says no, although it has been suggested by one Scandinavian survey "that people who underwent ultrasound would be more likely to be left-handed" but "this has not been borne out by other surveys".
There is "no chance of determining whether you're left-handed at birth" either, according to Dr Anne Twomey, consultant paediatrician at the National Maternity Hospital. Generally, a child shows "no hand preference before 12 months, although huge developmental strides are made". This is when a child learns to sit up, stand, walk, develop fine motor skills and to use both hands. Developing a hand preference in the first 12 months is a viewed with concern. "Developing asymmetry at that stage in your development is unusual," she says. There are other theories that link left-handedness to speech defects and champion the right as "normal", attributing left-handedness to a deficiency resulting from a traumatic birth. A forceps delivery myself, I have a scar under my right eye from my "traumatic birth", but I can't be sure it was the deciding factor in my left-handedness.
So what sort of problems do we citeogs incur? Ours are minor grievances. The pens on chains in banks always pull us short (new business idea, anyone?). Learning to play musical instruments such as the piano or the guitar, is more difficult.
Polo and hockey require a new skill-set since the game is played in one direction, with one-sided sticks. "There's no such thing as a left-handed hockey stick. You have to use both hands playing hockey. Reverse your grip," says Joan Morgan, administrator of the Irish Hockey Association.
Driving on the left, it is alleged, originated to allow horse riders to use their whips in the right hand to fend off other road-users. Gear-sticks still cause difficulty but perhaps that's more poor driving than hand preference in my case.
No citeog who likes to cook should be without specially designed left-handed tin-openers, peelers and corkscrews. Likewise, gardening citeogs should invest in the specially customised pruning shears, secateurs and scythes available. Further accessories are available but they tend to get a bit gimmicky, knives with serrations on the right-hand instead of on the left, for instance (for the citeog with more money than sense).
For the citeog who hankers after our dark and secretive glory days, when we still had novelty factor, there is International Left-Handers Day on August 13th. For further information contact the Left-Handed Club of Ireland (who, by the way, are doing nothing on the 13th) on 01-8452449 or go to www.anythingleft-handed.co.uk.
Incidentally, the man in directory inquiries started laughing when I asked him for the number of the Left-Handed Club. He wanted to know "what sort of things went on at a left-handers club". It's good to know that while we're no longer at risk from being burnt at the stake, we still have some entertainment value.
Spare us a thought
Things citeogs find difficult: Pens on chains in banks; cheque book stubs; cash-dispensing machines; dining in cramped restaurants (you elbow right-handed diners); tying shoe laces and ties; hockey; polo; telephone boxes - the receiver and coin slot are on the right; ticket barriers on the DART; TV/stereo remote controls; trouser zips; scissors; writing in binders/files
Celebrity citeogs
Famous left-handers include (in alphabetical order) Alexander the Great, Napoleon Bonaparte, Billy the Kid, Matthew Broderick, Julius Caesar, Charlie Chaplin, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Connors, Leondardo da Vinci, Robert DeNiro, Noel Gallagher, Goldie Hawn, Jimi Hendrix, Shirley MacLaine, Michaelangelo, George Michael, Harpo Marx, Marilyn Monroe, River Phoenix, Pablo Picasso