Hoping to rise all the way to the top

WE'VE heard plenty about the floating voter over the past couple of weeks, so it was a bit of a relief yesterday when a few floating candidates finally entered the campaign.

The Natural Law Party's levitation fuelled manifesto promises are simple enough: the removal of all causes of unhappiness; the creation of a shift in consciousness towards governing Ireland in harmony with the laws of nature; and, eventually, the attainment of universal bliss.

Of course, we have heard all these already from the other parties. But predict ably, it is in the methodology that the NLP reveals its true colours. While others favour reform of the tax and welfare systems, the NLP says it can achieve its targets simply by flying, a claim which has never previously featured in an election campaign (although Fianna Fail's 1977 manifesto came close).

The party candidates remained firmly on the ground during yesterday's manifesto launch, however. Even though conditions for levitation could not have been better, the NLP did not rise to the bait. To the disappointment of the cameramen assembled, they postponed a display of yogic flying to another day.

In fact, the first phase of yogic flying - which is as far as the party's experts have yet advanced - looks to the untrained eye like mere hopping on a mattress.

The NLP's crime spokesman, Jack Lyons, explained: "If there is complete attunement with the natural laws, they, go up and stay up. If not, they come down."

So complete levitation - like Fine Gael's tax cuts - may have to wait for a higher level of universal harmony.

One of the more controversial NLP proposals is the establishment of a government paid "coherence creating" corps which would be employed to spend its days "enlivening the natural laws within themselves" and radiating the effects outwards. If it did its job, according to the NLP, zero tolerance would be overtaken by zero desire on the part of Irish criminals and crime and other problems would be things of the past.

The NLP is fielding only 11 candidates in the Republic. Two of these are contesting the same constituency - Laois Offaly. The other candidates are in Dublin North East, Dublin South Central, Dublin South East, Dublin South, Cork South Central, Galway East, Galway West, Sligo Leitrim and Waterford.