HIDING UNDER the duvet is an understandable reaction to a cancer diagnosis, but Ann Dowley Spillane is helping to beat the blues with the Girls’ Club, a support group in Cork for women recovering from cancer.
Dowley Spillane, who was diagnosed with cervical cancer in April 2010, saw a need for a group which would provide a fun night out for cancer survivors as well as information on nutrition and gardening plus yoga, t’ai chi, massage, meditation and Reiki sessions.
Energy healer Elizabeth Hitchcock facilitates role-playing sessions where the women give vent to feelings of anger and frustration. Fashion advice, including tips on wigs and bra fittings, are all part of the free service which depends on non-medical experts to give their time voluntarily.
Formed in February, the Girls’ Club meets twice a month in the Ambassador Hotel and is applying for charitable status. By next month, the club will have moved into a premises in Cork city centre that will serve as a drop-in centre. A helpline, manned by volunteers trained by the Samaritans, is also planned.
The Girls’ Club has about 70 members as well as 750 friends on Facebook. Dowley Spillane says that while Arc House, which provides after-care counselling for cancer survivors, “is very good, there’s nothing specifically for women. I feel that when women get together, they talk very freely. A lot of us are very shy about the cancers we have and find it hard to talk about them to our husbands and families. There’s a lot of trauma associated with losing your hair, your breast or your womb.
“Some women can’t even say the word ‘cancer’,” says Dowley Spillane. “They feel that if they give the illness a name, it takes on an identity. The Girls’ Club is all about women coming together and realising they’re in a safe environment and that everybody else in the room is basically the same as them.”
The Girls’ Club meetings “are not meant to be soppy, weepy, crying sessions. They’re all about bringing positivity back into your life. We start every meeting with a positive thought. I see women coming into a meeting for the first time. They have their heads down and are a bit nervous. But I don’t want any woman to feel as if she’s on her own. The Girls’ Club is fun but it’s also very informative.
“One of the women, a breast cancer survivor who had reconstruction work done, talks about what that procedure is like and how it feels. A doctor or a nurse can’t tell you what reconstruction is really like. You have to go through it yourself.”
Dowley Spillane says that some women think they’re strong enough to deal with cancer on their own. Often, they don’t want to burden their families with their worries.
“But nobody is really that strong. I found counselling good, but I didn’t depend on it. I would be a strong woman, but not everyone is. Even though I have to drag my leg behind me, I still go out and put on my heels. I’ve started writing a book called Four-Inch Heels and a Morphine Patch, which describes me to a tee.”
While Dowley Spillane has great energy and has adopted a positive front for the world, she is all too aware of the pain and isolation that goes hand in hand with cancer. This is why she wants to set up the helpline.
“Not being able to sleep at night from the pain and the morphine can be very hard and lonely. You have yourself buried, the mortuary cards made out and the speeches done. I feel that when the doors are closed at night, it would be great to pick up the phone. Our helpline won’t offer medical advice. It’s about support and a listening ear.”
Recent Girls’ Club sessions saw the women made-over by a fashion stylist. At another session, Co Cork-based writer Alice Taylor recited poetry and entertained the women with stories about rural life. Knitting, crochet and flower-arranging classes are also given.
The Girls’ Club is dependent on fund-raising efforts, which include coffee mornings and table quizzes. It is applying to the HSE to see if it is eligible for any grants.
Martina Jones (48) is a member of the Girls’ Club who had a lung removed in 2008, after which she spent more than two weeks fighting for her life in intensive care. Feeling depressed and isolated, she heard about the Girls’ Club and decided to give it a go.
“I find it very helpful. It gets me out of the house. I now know I’m not the only one with problems, I’m not the only one who needs someone to talk to. I live for the night that I go to the club. I’d go every night if it was on every night. My children push me out the door to the Girls’ Club.”
Jones admits that she sometimes feels as if she has a death sentence hanging over her.
“But now, when I go to the Girls’ Club, I can talk about my journey and I try to be light-hearted about it. I’ve come to realise that in life, we have to help each other.”
Contact Ann Dowley Spillane at 085-2814495, or see girlsclubcork.com
