ASK THE EXPERTWill sharing your bed with your children lead to problems further down the line?
I'M BREASTFEEDING our six-week-old baby. I was at the La Leche League conference in Ennis recently and lots of the mothers there were extolling the virtues of co-sleeping. I have our baby in a crib in the room with us. Would it be a bad thing to have her in the bed with us? I hate the struggle to get up and get her for feeding several times a night.
Just to be clear from the start - co-sleeping isn't the same as bed sharing. Co-sleeping can occur when your child is in their own crib or cot (sometimes attached to the side of your bed, sometimes free-standing in your room), whereas bed sharing does as it says on the tin, so to speak, and means that your baby sleeps in your bed with you.
Generally, those who worry about bed sharing feel a bit easier about co-sleeping and it seems that co-sleeping might have most of the benefits of bed sharing without some of the risks. The research jury is out on the issue of whether bed sharing is a fully good or a fully bad thing. There are certainly benefits but also some risks. I may not be the best person to ask either because I am unashamedly in favour of bed sharing, but that's because I believe it has worked well for our family (as well as what I know from reading the research). I'll do my best to be balanced here, though.
Let's start with some risks. The possibility of accidental suffocation and strangulation is increased for small babies (under four months) sharing a bed with their parents. This risk is further increased if either or both parents are drunk or stoned; it is increased also if the whole family, including older children, are squeezing into the bed.
Having soft bedding or pillows also increases the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (Sids) as will letting your baby sleep on its tummy.
It is also more risky for babies under 11 weeks of age than for older babies to bed share. Apparently, the most dangerous place for a baby to sleep is on a sofa or couch with a sleeping adult.
Interestingly, the risk of Sids is equivalent for young babies that bed share and babies that sleep alone in their own room.
You need to remember too, that your baby will like being with you in bed and months and years down the line you may have to invest time in weaning them off you as their night-time security, if you then want to shift them back to their own bed. Trust me though, this can be achieved.
The benefits of bed sharing, however, are greater for breastfed babies. Bed sharing has been shown to facilitate breast-feeding and leads to babies actually sleeping more because they wake for shorter periods of time to feed and then fall back asleep.
Note though, I am making no promises about your baby sleeping uninterrupted.
There is also evidence to suggest that bed sharing increases the mother-infant attachment or bond. This is a good thing. It may be especially relevant for mothers who are working outside the home and have limited other time to spend with their babies.
In my experience, too, it is easier to get babies and children to fall asleep in your bed as they feel most secure and safe and any niggling anxiety about being on their own is much reduced.
So, as long as you place your baby on its back to sleep, ensure you have a firm mattress, no pillows near the baby and not too much bedding, then your bed is probably as safe as anywhere else for your baby to be.
Since you are breastfeeding, you and your baby might find the night feeds easier, too.
I think there is a myth going around in Ireland about the realities of night-time and sleeping. All of our babies and children are not sleeping alone in their own cots and beds uninterrupted for the night.
If you talk to other parents, you soon find that there is lots of bed hopping going on in most family homes with children coming in and out of their parents' beds and parents sometimes going into children's abandoned beds just for a bit of peace and quiet.
Ultimately, your decision about bed sharing will be personal to you. If it feels right to you and you think your baby likes it too, then go for it. If you worry about the risks that I have listed above or about never getting her out of the bed in the future, then perhaps leave her where she is in her crib. She is close by and you will still be responding to her night-time needs.
David Coleman is a clinical psychologist and is the author of Parenting is Child's Play. He is currently working on a new series for RTÉ Television called 21st Century Child.
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Readers' queries are welcome, but David Coleman regrets he cannot enter into individual correspondence. Questions should be e-mailed to healthsupplement@irish-times.ie