TIME OUT:HELL HATH no fury like a woman whose man has been scorned. This was demonstrated vividly when Rupert Murdoch's wife sprang to his defence last week with an impressive left hook towards the man who besmirched her husband with shaving foam.
It was the spring of a lioness in defence of its young or, in this instance, its older spouse. It demonstrated what psychology has known for a long time: that there are not just knights in shining armour ready to defend damsels in distress, but that damsels are greatly distressed by attacks upon their men.
Women fight for their men. They do not just fight each other; they will fight anyone who tries to harm the love of their life. Many subscribe to the Tammy Wynette command to “Stand by your man, show the world you love him and give him all the love you can”, and whatever about the private conversations wives may have with their husbands, their public displays of support are magnificent.
Nor is Mrs Murdoch's response last week the first public demonstration of wifely defence the media have witnessed. High-profile examples have hit the headlines many times and are the ingredients that made The Good Wifedrama series compulsive television viewing for many.
What is surprising to many is the extent to which wives will defend serially publicly unfaithful husbands rather than walk away from everything in their linen basket being put on public display. On the basis that “If you love him, you’ll forgive him”, many women stay and stand by their men, the loss of face being less than the pain of losing them from their lives.
From the White House to the House of Lords, high profile male actors, writers, chefs, footballers and singers have had the support of wives who stood by them. Some wives have supported wayward husbands with dignified silence; some have stood for sad photographs of feigned togetherness when everyone knew there were three in the picture.
Some wives defend their men loudly with delusional refutation of their actions. Some respond with kind accuracy, such as that rather famous description of an errant writer husband as having “a gift for inaccurate précis”, and some wives retreat until the scandals subside, taking the opportunity to repair their marriages while their husbands are under media-induced house arrest.
One psychological explanation for extreme standing by your man is the research that shows the female jealousy mechanism is more threatened by a husband’s emotional infidelity than by casual sexual dalliances, painful and dangerous as these may be.
This is because emotional infidelity, a husband finding another woman more interesting, more fun, more supportive and better company, is most distressing for women, which may be why recalcitrant husbands intuitively protest that “it didn’t mean anything” in order to rank the infidelity into a lower level crime.
Conversely, research shows that sexual infidelity is most difficult for husbands to accept, rendering a woman’s retort that “it didn’t mean anything” utterly absurd since it is the infidelity that upsets men most when perpetrated by their wives. But there is more to it than this. Betrayal by a woman eats at the heart of men, for in truth men love women and are most happy when they are loved, earnestly, enduringly, admiringly and totally by them.
The role that women play in men’s lives and how behind every great man is a woman who loves him deeply has had insufficient documentation in popular psychology. The preoccupation with marital conflict and competitive relationships has distracted from the fact that women will fight for their men as strenuously as men will protect women.
Don’t worry men, we are here to defend you and when the chips are down our fists are up in defence of your honour, your person, your love and your incalculable worth in this world.
Marie Murray is a clinical psychologist and author. Her book, When Times are Tough, is published by Veritas