A Dutch court has over-ruled the parents of a 13-year-old girl with sailing ambitions
WITH ALL the quandaries that beset parents, whether one’s 13-year-old daughter should abandon home and school for two years to sail solo around the world is not usually on the parental dilemma list.
And in the unlikely event that such an expedition was even proposed by their young offspring, most sensible parents would clearly, kindly, firmly but unequivocally point out the countless reasons why they would not even consider, let alone permit, such an undertaking.
But in Holland a legal battle has been waged on just such an issue. Thirteen-year-old Laura Dekker’s parents wish her to undertake this two-year solo journey and break the world record for the youngest person to do so. She reportedly wants to go.
Presumably Laura believes her parents know and want what is best for her. But the Dutch authorities do not think so and are so concerned about the dangers that they sought custody of Laura through the Dutch courts to prevent her.
On Friday the court placed her under state supervision for two months.
Child protection authorities argued it would be irresponsible to let her depart, and the court agreed, saying the trip would put Laura’s psychological development at risk. She will remain with her parents, who will share custody with the state.
The court voiced “serious concerns” about Laura’s mental and physical development on the boat, and ordered a psychologist and child protection authorities to examine how she would cope with loneliness, sea winds and lack of schooling, as well as her general physical safety.
This controversy raises interesting questions about that ever-present delicate parental balance between protection and overprotection: allowing children to take “risks” within safe parameters and exposing them to absolutely unacceptable dangers.
Risk management traverses all activities: socialisation, sport, education, friendship, internet use, travel. It arises in relation to health issues: sunbeds, hair colouring, body piercing and tattoos, and issues such as whether it is safe for young people to travel abroad in groups to celebrate exams.
The dilemma of how much to encourage independence and how much to protect children growing up is central to parenting. It besets parents from the start. When can they walk alone safely to the local shops? Should they stay in friends’ houses? Should you collect them from every activity they attend?
The worries of parenthood are so myriad that it is remarkable how well most parents manage to negotiate that fundamental fine line between giving a child confidence and appropriate independence, and ensuring that nothing is undertaken by children that they are not developmentally ready for, or that is unsafe.
And this is the kernel of the issue. Safety is, and should be, first and foremost in all parental decisions. A parent’s role is to be a parent: not a peer or best friend. Risk-
management is a pivotal parental role. This, of course, brings parents into conflict with their children at times, because parents see dangers that are not apparent to the young. They know what can happen, how peers are not always reliable and the long-term consequences when things go wrong. Which is why teenagers always secretly welcome when their parents set appropriate behavioural boundaries for them and why the most distressed teenagers are usually those whose parents do not set limits for them at all.
Which brings us to the issue of a 13-year old girl sailing solo, removed from the normalising developmental activities of her age and stage at a crucial developmental time. She would be physically at risk from the elements. She would be sleep-deprived as power naps are all that can be taken solo sailing.
Sleep disturbance is a psychological risk factor in mental health and depression which, allied to her isolation surrounded by only sea and sky, would put her at risk of feelings of unreality, disorientation and psychosis.
In short, she would be also emotionally isolated, physically endangered, socially deprived, psychologically compromised, academically disadvantaged and her health could be undermined.
Cut off from peers she would be at high risk of depression and overwhelmed by fear of failure given the hype surrounding the voyage. Adolescence by definition is not a “solo” stage.
Laura Dekker deserves a decision to be made that is in her best interests. World records, celebrity and notoriety are not required for good adolescent development. Security, love, guidance, protection and care are what young people need.
- Clinical psychologist Marie Murray is director of the Student Counselling Services in UCD