THAT'S MEN:Maybe men should look in the mirror more often
EVERY NOW and then I slip into The Bankers pub in Dublin city centre and when I do I find myself admiring again one of my favourite prints.
It’s called Pride, by Ted Jones, and to me it sums up a difference between men and women in the matter of appearance.
The print depicts two characters in a pub. One, a stout, white-haired woman is preening herself before a mirror on the wall.
She likes what she sees. Actually, what she sees in the mirror is a much younger version of herself, but she may very well not be aware of this.
Watching her is a man, an oul’ fella you’d call him, I suppose. He has his pint beside him. You can tell he is very familiar with this corner of this bar. He has his cap on, a pullover under his jacket.
When he gets a new cap, if ever, it will be indistinguishable from the old one. The same goes for the rest of his clothes which are probably bought for him by his sister. This man is not married. He may never have been on a date in his whole life.
He is looking sceptically at the woman. Perhaps he doesn’t see what she sees in the mirror. This doesn’t worry her in the least – she ignores the man and his scepticism, and gets on with admiring herself.
Irish men have moved on from the lad in the pub – but we’re not all that far removed from him in time.
When I was growing up it would be common for a farmer to go unshaven from Sunday to Saturday. On Saturday night the big shave took place in preparation for Mass the next day. This was a serious event, often observed by the smaller children.
The whole job took a long time, frequently involving a cut-throat razor – the children would be under instructions to keep quiet, so as not to cause a nick or worse – and a great quantity of foam.
It was a kitchen drama, literally a soap opera. Finally, the job was done and next day father looked once a week new in his Sunday best.
On Monday, the rags were back on and the beard started its weekly growth again.
Women didn’t let themselves go like that. They didn’t dress like beauty queens, but they didn’t go around in rags. They took pride in their appearance.
Yes, men have moved on. We dress better for work because most of our work is off the land, and if we let ourselves go at the weekends, perhaps it’s because we somehow see dressing like tramps as a form of relaxation.
Still, if you look at a bunch of guys in the pub or at a football match, we make a very dull spectacle indeed.
It seems to me that the difference between men and women in this regard is explained by differing attitudes towards self-esteem.
Women, like the woman in the Jones print, are more likely than men to link appearance and self-esteem.
That’s why the preening by the woman in the print (which you can find on irishartcollector.com by typing Jones in the search box) is not foolish though her observer might think it is.
Looking into that mirror and seeing a young and elegant version of herself helps her to feel good in a way that isn’t available to men in our dressing-down culture.
And self-esteem matters. I was interested to see that a piece of research in the US found that college students value activities that boost self-esteem more than they value sex or their favourite food.
The research, by Dr Brad Bushman at the University of Michigan, reported in the Journal of Personality, suggests that humans have a deep need to feel valued and worthy.
So men who ignore the link between self-esteem and appearance are missing out. Maybe the man in the picture should take a look in the mirror more often.
Padraig O'Morain (pomorain@ireland.com) is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His book, Light Mind – Mindfulness for Daily Living, is published by Veritas. His mindfulness newsletter is free by e-mail