"If only the suicide dead could visit the ones they left behind and see the sadness and the hurt and the guilt they have left behind as well, they would never do it," says Mr Tommy Morris, a social worker at Peamount Hospital, Dublin. His clients include the suicidal and bereaved families.
Mr Mervyn Ennis, head social worker with the Department of Defence, believes suicide is the hardest bereavement to cope with. "With suicide, the family is left saying `who's to blame?', and they blame one another for not recognising the signs."
Mr Morris and Mr Ennis believe bringing this home to people who are contemplating suicide can be a strong deterrent. Mr Mike Watts, of the mental health organisation, Grow, finds people close to suicide lack awareness of the hurt they are about to cause: "You feel you are doing other people a favour."
He sees isolation as a big factor in suicide. He says that without proper communication, "your feelings are telling you how you should be judged. You don't get objective feedback. You can home in on one aspect of your life - an exam, a job interview, a relationship. If that aspect goes wrong, you think you are a disaster but if you have good relationships, you know that is only one aspect."
Mr Morris says his approach to the potential suicide is to get them "connected" again.
A leaflet by Ms Anne Waters of Grow, includes these points:
There is no urgency about killing yourself. Suicide is never a necessity. If you feel some sadness or fear at the thought of your own death, it is a good time to put this kind of planning aside until tomorrow.
Suicide is never an admirable or honourable way out.
Tell someone else about your death wishes. When we start thinking about destroying ourselves, what we really want is not death, but relief.
If you are afraid of impulsively taking your life, make it harder to act on impulse. Get rid of the gun. Dump out the pills. Don't go on long, lonely swims, fast car rides or hikes to high places. Stay with other people. Stay away from drugs and drink which may give full play to all your bad, sad and angry feelings.
Take a fast, objective personal inventory: Is there any person I care about? Have I ever been important to someone else? Am I doing anything to make someone else's life happier? If the answer is no, you not only know why you want to kill yourself, you know the solution to your problem. Get involved!
If you want to die from some kind of grief, remember, time will bring relief. If the problem is betrayal and anger, ask yourself why that other person is so important that he or she can dictate your own destruction.
Even if you feel quite inadequate, you can still give of yourself and you can be truly helpful to someone else - but get out of the habit of thinking that you are being "used" when you do something nice for someone. To love someone else and be fulfilled is far more important for your mental health than it is to be loved equally by the other person.
If you have any belief in God, pray not for happiness, but for the courage to live, and for the wisdom to accept yourself as you are.
Grow can be contacted through its head office at 11 Liberty Street, Cork, tel. 021-277520.