CONVENTION SKETCH:Rumours that the Greens' education spokesman was going to resign distracted delegates from the party convention's main business, writes MIRIAM LORD.
CHEERIO PAUL, and mind the door doesn’t hit you on the way out . . .
Go on, John Gormley. Give him the elbow. You know you want to.
No Go Gogarty, the Green Party’s attention-seeking missile, is at it again. He’d try the patience of a saint.
Over the last few days, Paul Gogarty has endured yet another battle with his conscience. This time, he ended up nursing a serious case of wounded pride.
So naturally, he did what any conviction politician would do under the circumstances – he slightly resigned. Making a big fuss of himself in the process.
When it comes to grandstanding, No Go Go-Go is a one-man stadium of light. But Paul, despite working himself into Himalayan degrees of high dudgeon, never quite follows through on his fighting talk.
So it was at the Greens’ annual convention, when the deputy for Dublin Mid-West began to feel neglected and unloved.
It is not certain whether he was feeling unloved by his fellow Greens, or his constituents, but one way or the other, he decided to make a stand before the budget cuts bite.
It seems Paul was hurt when delegates voted on Saturday afternoon to set up a group within the party to devise their education strategy.
As education spokesman, he took this as a personal insult. He also, apparently, has concerns about the direction the party is taking.
But in deference to the organisation, and all his colleagues who paid good money to commune with their fellow Greens in Whites Hotel in Wexford, No Go Go-Go decided not to go public.
He said nothing to the media. Instead, and with admirable discipline, he held his counsel and told everybody else – including parliamentary party colleagues, but not the party leadership. Allegedly. It was gone midnight, as the Young Greens amused themselves by re-enacting last week’s knuckledraggers-of-Cowen episode at the Fianna Fáil ardfheis, by the time word of Go-Go’s latest dark hour of the soul reached the ears of the press.
The aforementioned dramatic exercise involved a flash mob of Young Greens rushing RTÉ’s David Davin-Power and forming a “doughnut” of zombies around him. This recreated that now famous tableau of the unblinking FF delegates, who stood around the political correspondent as he did a live broadcast from the conference hall. Many photographs were taken, and Davin-Power was such a good sport that the Young Greens bought him a bottle of champagne.
But back to No Go Go-Go. He’s not happy, the Young Greens told the journalists. “He’s going to resign.” This news almost distracted people from their drink, sorry, from thoughts of John Gormley’s keynote address. As a speech, it was grand and bland and instantly forgettable.
But John certainly liked it, judging by the self-satisfied expression on his face each time he rolled out yet another paragraph in praise of himself and his wonderful party.
In the spirit of recession and recycling, he wore a cut-down version of Brian Cowen’s suit and tie from the week before in Citywest.
Bananas. No, not Deputy Gogarty. Everyone got a free Fairtrade banana at the conference. Delegates were requested not to leave the skins lying about. Mary White made an unmerciful lunge for the bananas and began juggling them like a woman possessed when she spotted the photographers.
Later, in her warm-up speech for the Blessed John of Gormley, she tried to look on the bright side.
“Swallows will fly back over the Irish Sea in a few short weeks’ time; grass is growing as the Earth warms up and soon the smell of bluebells in our woods will soften the most cynical heart.”
Paul Gogarty will have more time to smell the bluebells when he slightly resigns. Not from the party, but from the job of education spokesman. Neither is it clear whether he intends to resign from the chairmanship of the Joint Oireachtas Committee on Education, which carries a handsome 20 grand on top of his Dáil salary. But as we said earlier, No Go Go-Go did not want to hijack the weekend by announcing his decision. So he lay low yesterday morning and didn’t return calls from journalists.
Instead, he headed for the peace and quiet of the media suite, where he tried to remain anonymous by talking to the party leadership and hiding in the full view of the cameras and passing hacks.
It was rumoured Paul would be resigning from the party. It was rumoured that his colleagues were trying to make him change his mind.
“I don’t want to add to the rumour and innuendo,” he said prissily, having started it all, fully aware that his situation had already been discussed at the morning press conference. “This is a day for the Greens.”
Which brings us right back to where we started. A party spokesman said Gormley will be meeting No Go Go-Go today to hear his concerns and whether or not he intends to slightly resign.
Memorise these words, John: Cheerio Paul, and mind the door doesn’t hit you on the way out . . .