BRIGHT BOY Cowen had the best plan. Having seen the film about Nora Owen's illustrious grand uncle, Michael Collins, he urged her to "get a few spies into her own Department" to sort things out.
He did not say she should emulate the other part of the Big Fellow's Strategic Management Initiative by taking civil servants out and shooting them, but there must be a few shivering spines on Stephen's Green all the same.
The one thing politicians on both sides agreed about yesterday was that the Department of Justice is only marginally less secretive and byzantine than the central committee of the old Albanian Communist Party. But there were no bureaucrats there to put the opposing view.
Mrs Owen wore canary yellow and sat through the debate with considerable equanimity, even at times breaking into a smile or a chuckle. In translation, her body language said: Lot the Opposition rant and rave, as long as Dick Spring doesn't pull the plug, I'm safe.
The Taoiseach was in a sharp mood. He cut the nose off Mary Harney on the Order of Business far - allegedly misrepresenting him.
He said he knew from her demeanour that she realised she was distorting his views "in a politically unprincipled way".
Later, he turned on Fianna Fail's justice spokesman, John O'Donoghue, and got the poor fellow into trouble with the Ceann Comhairle. The Meath captain accused the Kerry centre forward of in effect, calling Mrs Owen a liar. Mr Treacy prick up his ears: had O'Donoghue, crossed that line in the sand? Not" at all, the Fianna Fail man insisted, it was a political accusation.
Under pressure from the Ceann Comhairle he withdrew any personal imputation that might have been read into his remarks but said he was not withdrawing the political charge. It was a nice piece of parliamentary, chess by Mr Bruton, who appears to thrive on crisis, as does Mrs Owen herself.
Pat Rabbitte took a further cruel swipe at Mr O'Donoghue for wearing TV make up. "How sad to see this previously unadorned spokesman reduced to a film extra."
Rabbitte also had a go at the Fianna Fail leader following his "lacklustre" performance in the debate, Bertie should be wary of the Mianna Stassinopoulos of Connemara", Maire Geoghegan Quinn.
The Government frontbench looks like a field hospital on Hamburger Hill. There is Michael Noonan, still limping from the blood transfusion debate but, hardy veteran that he is, he can still crack a smile and a joke.
Young Master Yates, creator of the 23 county Ireland, was one of the few to speak without a script. He said Fianna Fail was stuck in a time warp and had never gotten over the shock of November 94. Brian Cowen observed acidly that the Agriculture Minister had defended Mrs Owen by praising himself 95 per cent of the time. "Some things never change."
David Andrews, positively presidential in his impartiality, gave the most balanced and considered speech on the Opposition side.
Nora Owen was "a woman of dedication and integrity" but she was unlucky and might yet have to "fall on her sword". His remarks fell on deaf ears: the Government was solidly behind, the Minister.
It was like the old days when the Big Fellow was attacked over "the Treaty, except the slogan would have to be updated: "If it's good enough for Mick Collins's grand niece, it's good enough for me."
Government and Opposition functionaries were kept busy supplying copies of speeches to the press gallery. By the end of the day you could have published them as a book: how many trees died in the Battle over Nora Owen?