Under the Microscope/Prof William Reville: A little girl was in her backyard digging a hole. She was crying her eyes out and her neighbour came over to see what was wrong. "What is wrong dear child?"
A little girl was in her backyard digging a hole. She was crying her eyes out and her neighbour came over to see what was wrong. "What is wrong dear child?"
"My canary died," the little girl replied.
"I'm sorry," said the woman "but why such a big hole?"
"Because your bloody cat ate him," said the little girl.
Most people often feel they would like to teach cheaters and rule-breakers a lesson. A recent study published in the journal Science (August, 2004) by Ernst Fehr and colleagues in the University of Zurich suggests that we may be motivated because punishing rule-breakers activates a pleasure centre in the brain. The inclination to behave in a "tit for tat" manner seems to be a basic human quality. However, uninhibited indulgence of this inclination is psychologically damaging. Forgiveness is much better than revenge. As John Milton said in Paradise Lost "Revenge, at first though sweet, bitter erelong back on itself recoils."
The urge to teach rule-breakers the error of their ways can range all the way from sounding your car horn at another motorist who overtakes you in an unsafe manner to plotting terrible revenge on someone who brutally murdered one of your loved ones. The deep-rootedness of the inclination for revenge in the human psyche is reflected in the popularity of the revenge theme in literature. I still remember with pleasure my first contact with Shakespeare when The Merchant of Venice was on the Intermediate Certificate curriculum. Shylock chillingly says, "If I can catch him once upon the hip, I will feed fat the ancient grudge I bear him."
The desire to get back at those who have done us wrong probably goes back to early human society. People who lived together then still had to conform to common rules of behaviour before there was any central mechanism of law enforcement. However, even though the instinct for retaliation may be partly rooted in biology, as Fehr says, "That doesn't imply in any sense that we should allow private revenge. It only means that we can explain why people do this."
Fehr and his colleagues carried out an experiment with pairs of male volunteers who played a game in which both players started with the same amount of play money. Player A could decide to give player B some money, and if player B reciprocated, both A and B got an extra sum as a reward. If player B did not reciprocate, player A could levy a penalty that cost player B some of his money. In such cases, player A almost always decided to impose the penalty, even if he had to give up some of his own money in order to do so.
Fehr's team studied the brain activity of player A as he decided to penalise player B and found that levying the penalty activated the dorsal striatum in the brain, which is involved in experiencing pleasure. However, they found large differences between subjects, reflecting our everyday observation that some people are willing to invest much more than others in punishing rule-breakers.
Christianity teaches that, instead of indulging our biologically rooted inclinations for revenge, we should forgive those who have deliberately wronged us. Modern psychology also teaches that forgiveness is by far the best option. When someone hurts you, either you decide to forgive that person or you hold on to bitterness and anger. Holding on to bitterness and anger will cause its own problems, so, if you have been victimised, forgiving your victimiser is a vital part of your healing.
Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation, which is a bigger process of which forgiveness is a part. Forgiveness is the business of the victim, and it is a gift he or she confers both on the victimiser and on himself or herself. Two additional things are needed for reconciliation - repentance and penalty - and these are the business of the victimiser. In order for reconciliation to take place the victim must forgive and the victimiser must express remorse and accept a suitable penalty, for example making good the damage that has been caused.
Forgiveness is possible even when the victimiser refuses to express remorse or to accept any penalty. In such cases it is still preferable to forgive for the sake of your own mental health. When you harbour a grudge it acts as a poison that hurts you and nobody else. The bitter feelings sap your strength and delay or prevent the healing of your wounds. While you sit at home brooding over your grudge, your victimiser is probably out dancing and not caring tuppence about you.
"Forgive and forget" is a familiar phrase but very bad advice. The forgive part is good but the forget part is bad. If you have an enemy who is out to do you harm, it would be silly of you not to frankly recognise this and take steps to protect yourself. In some cases, attack may be your only means of defence.
Psychologists also advise that you should feel the hurt when someone inflicts a wrong on you. Burying the hurt or trying to greatly dull it is not a good idea because the feelings are buried and will surface again later. So, feel the hurt and then forgive. By forgiving you refuse to beat up on yourself. As the author Austin O'Malley said: "Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you."
http://understandingscience.ucc.ie
William Reville is associate professor of biochemistry and public awareness of science officer at UCC