Filipino nurse describes family pressures

Arlene Diaz is a nurse. She came to work in Ireland from the Philippines in 2000. She had never planned to go abroad but her father lost his job and someone had to pay for her youngest brother's education.

As the eldest it fell to her to help out, though she was married and had a daughter of her own. It was a way of saving her parents shame, pain, and frustration.

She told yesterday's seminar she came to Ireland because it was a predominantly Catholic country and she was told the hospitality of the Irish was like that of the Filipinos. Her husband and daughter followed her here "on the Harney visa" in August 2001. They lived in a bedsit for three months, before moving into their current accommodation, a one bedroomed flat.

They found it very difficult when her husband was not allowed to work, as dependent spouses were not allowed do so at the time in Ireland.

"The amount of pressure experienced by the sole breadwinner of the family was enormous; trying to make ends meet here and back home.

"The hardest part was to deal with the psychological, emotional, spiritual impact of the situation on the dependent spouse, more so, if it's the wife who is working, just like in our case," she said.

And although the law was changed last February allowing dependent spouses to work, it was still not being properly implemented, she said.

Her husband began a work orientation course last Friday, but he can only work for a named employer. He cannot do casual work.

Mr Stephen Cummins, director of education with Accord, an episcopal agency which assists couples preparing for or already in a marriage, said that last year 6,200 couples attended their marriage preparation courses.

The agency also provided 28,261 hours of counselling, involving 5,332 cases, an increase of 9 per cent on 2002 figures.

In 2003 facilitators provided 17,238 hours of marriage preparation, 11 per cent up on 2002. Accord has 57 centres throughout Ireland, with 300 counsellors and 330 facilitators.

He presented these facts to counter "a perception that very little is being done for marriage generally and particularly within the church".

Accord had also introduced "marriage enrichment" courses. Explaining that relationships go through different phases, he quoted a course founder as saying the average couple would "enter between 10 and 15 marriages" in a lifetime together.