ANY conversation about grandparents tends to sideline the grandfather. But as roles in general in society are changing, grandad's unique role is gaining recognition.

Often the grandfather, when he was a father, didn't enjoy the relationship with his own children that, looking back, he would like to have done," says Marie Murray, principal clinical psychologist at St Joseph's Adolescent Services in Dublin.

"With the arrival of his grandchildren, he may be provided with a second chance to really enter the world of children, to engage in a role other than that of the disciplinarian and the provider. He can express emotion in a way that maybe was not allowed by society when he was a father".

Cormac McHenry has two grand children, Philip and Isabel. As she lives nearby, Isabel is the more frequent visitor. "We see Isabel for dinner with her parents every Sunday", he says. "We also take her ourselves some Saturday afternoons and she has been to stay the night a few times."

When Isabel stays with her grandparents, Cormac collects her from her childminder, carting baby and all the accessories home. It is not a task he would have been given as a father, but as a grandfather he has no difficulty.

"Well, I'm treated like a bit of a half wit," he laughs. "I am extremely well pre programmed by my daughter, so it is actually quite simple".

His relationship with Isabel is very important to him on a number of levels. "I would feel as close to her as I was to my own, yet I see her as somebody representing the next, generation, carrying things on. Also, on the social side, I can see her develop and growing up in a slightly detached way. I can enjoy her, spoil her in a way I couldn't have my own. At the end of the day we give her give her back, so basically I have all the pleasure and none of the responsibility.

"When she gets older, I would' like to feel I would be someone she, could talk to, not necessarily advise, but if she disagreed with her parents that she could come to me and I could help her accept their decision.

As life expectancy increases with every generation, grandparents and even great grandparents are around to spend more time with the family and the role of grandparents today has indeed become largely one of pleasure without responsibility.

Pat Rees is a parenting advice columnist. "The role of the grandparents is to provide a special kind of carefree love, it is a treasured love, one which comes without the constraints of having the responsibility of disciplining and rearing a child," she says.

Marie Murray agrees that the role of grandparents cannot be underestimated.

"I believe that grandparents have a right to play a role in their grandchildren's lives. In cases of separation, the continued contact with grandparents can give children a sense of security and belonging at time when they are feeling insecure. It is a message that they are still part of a family and extended family, it is a very crucial message."

She believes that grandparents can provide a valuable perspective on life.

"They have witnessed tragedy that has been overcome and developed an understanding of life to share. When teenagers think that their world has fallen apart, a grandparent can show that nothing is so terrible that it cannot be overcome. A grandparent's acceptance of the sequences in life can give a child an insight into the interweaving of life and death in a special way.

Catherine Ghose has one child, Isabel, aged two. Her grandparents and her great grandmother are a very important part of Isabel's life.

"If you listen to Isabel her grandparents mean lovely dinner and cake, but they are very much part of her world. My grandmother gives me a connection with our family history and a sense of continuity. As a child, my grandparents' home was a home from home and my grandparents represented so much knowledge to me, I would like to give that to Isabel."

Monica Nevin is Isabel's great grandmother. "I see Isabel for dinner on Sunday and I take her for walks in the park or for a treat sometimes. I have four great grand children and they are very precious to me for the simple, reason that I have so little time with them.

"My grandchildren were great. They loved to hear stories about their parents when they were children, especially if their mothers had been doing something naughty. I also think there was always an aura of their mothers as children in our home which they felt.

"We lived in an old house with all sorts of things you wouldn't get in a modern house like an old hand coffee grinder and a low sink in the scullery which they could fill up and splash around. You are more calm with your grandchildren, you can watch them without fussing and take pleasure in what they are doing and saying.

"I would feel my great grandchildren are very much part of the family. Of course my way of talking and acting is quite unlike younger adults today and they are very amused when I come out with some old fashioned word like frock. For my part, I have to listen to the same jokes I have heard as a child, from my children, my grandchildren and now my great grandchildren, but you still laugh in spite of yourself."

Sometimes differences of opinion can give rise to tension between parents and grandparents.

According to Marie Murray, "tensions which cut a child off from their grandparents can give children the message that their parents do not love their own parents and they do not see a model of duty towards the grandparents. Obviously if continued contact with the grandparents is in anyway damaging to the children, parents have to protect them.

"But parents should try to overcome differences of opinion and grandparents should not criticise parents in front of their children. It does no harm to bend the rules a bit when the children visit the grandparents. They do not have to provide an exact replica of the parents' care, the difference in lifestyle can be a learning experience for the child."

Pat Rees agrees. "You can give the grandparents ground rules but too many rules interfere with the kind of love grandparents have to give. A bit of crankiness now and then because of the exciting day they have spend with granny won't kill them."