They're 19 and 20 and you think you're done worrying. Despite your fears that they'd never learn to cross the street by themselves, go into town on their own, get home safely from the late-night disco, they've survived. And now they're off to Amerikay.

Getting the J1 visa is a rite of passage for thousands of Irish students, the college equivalent of the summer in the Gaeltacht - only this time, they earn money. Sounds great. At a distance.

How many parents were suddenly brought face-to-face with the reality at the beginning of this month, as students pored over forms, packed dads off to the bank to get them stamped, looked for signatures guaranteeing financial support?

The reality can be a jolt: your child is serious about going 3,000 or more miles from home, with no definite job or accommodation at the other end, when perhaps his or her biggest independent adventure to date has been a carefully arranged European exchange.

Especially if this is the first time anyone in your family has done this. Especially if you did it yourself, and remember some of the things you never told your own parents. If you worry, are you becoming hyper-mammy, smothering and overprotective? If you don't, are you heartless and uncaring?

Is it reasonable of you to demand certain assurances of your now nearly adult children? In view of the fact that you have to promise the US government that you'll pick up the tab (to the tune of around $600 - approximately £400) should your child have financial problems, it seems to many of us that we should.

Senior psychologist Marie Murray believes that it is perfectly reasonable for parents to look for information, and to assess the maturity of their student - and the friends he or she is going with - before going along with the J1 project. Indeed, she says, the basic rules that have been relevant since the early teenage years - find out where they're going, who they're going with, and how they'll get back - can be adapted for use in this situation.

As always, Murray says, your concern is their safety, and it's reasonable to expect that your children have the promise of some kind of accommodation, and perhaps a job, before they go; they should also provide you with a contact number or address where they can be reached. "If your child is utterly unable to recognise that this is quite a big move, for you as for them, then perhaps they're not mature enough to go," Murray says. "It's not unreasonable or overprotective to want information that tells you that someone you care about deeply is going to be okay."

It's important, she says, to convey that your concern is about the safety of the place they're going to - and not that you're pessimistic about their ability to cope. You and your child should also have a Plan B, spelling out what to do if they do have problems, and possibly contact numbers of somebody you know in the area whom they can contact in an emergency (even if they scorn the idea as they set out).

Still, parents should also remember that America is only six hours away by plane, and that working away from home for a summer can be an important part of growing up. For many kids, it will be their first experience of living away from home for a prolonged period; of having to realise that if you don't work, you don't eat; of having to cope with laundry and bills and rent. "It's also very useful to learn how to do all kinds of work, and to realise the privilege they enjoy being students,["]

Murray says. ["]It isn't until you've made 100 beds in a hotel, or worked in a Howard Johnson's all summer, that you realise the importance of education.["]

Statistics may be reassuring. Alan MacSimoin, employment officer with Trinity College Dublin's student union, has plenty of them. Working in America for the summer is popular as never before with Irish students: this summer, he expects about 9,500 Irish students will go there.

The US has huge internal tourism, and a huge demand for people to work in resorts - especially along the eastern seaboard, from the Canadian border down. (Nearly 60 per cent of Irish students work on the east coast.) Tourists quadruple the population of these resorts in summer months, MacSimoin explains, and US college students can't fill all the jobs because of their short summer breaks.

Enter Irish students, "who are mobile, speak English, and can work all season". MacSimoin reckons working in America for the summer is "as close as you can get to a guarantee of making money. As a general rule, over the last few years every student who wanted to make money did."

When students get the form that says they have a visa, they get a booklet listing employers that hire summer students, to whom they can write looking for work. "The majority of students will arrange work in advance," says MacSimoin, adding that most students' unions also have addresses of employers who take on Irish students. Other employers come directly to Irish campuses, recruiting workers.

A USIT survey of students who worked in the US last summer showed that up to 80 per cent of students who wanted to clear their debt (the money they borrow to get there) did so, and made some money - average earnings were $3,200.

Last year, about one-third of students organised their accommodation in advance, 40 per cent found some within three days, with the remaining third staying in places like youth hostels until they got a place to stay. Most of them paid between $100 and $300 a month in rent.

Both MacSimoin and John Whyte of the National Parents Council (Post-Primary) say one of the best reassurances parents and students can have that things will work out is if they go in a group of three or more; that way, friends can subsidise each other as they move in and out of work.

It's perfectly normal for parents to worry, MacSimoin says, "but in 10 years of dealing with students going to work in the US for the summer, I've yet to come across any serious problems - of kids being mugged, or murdered, or arrested." (Yes, these are the things we worry about.) USIT, which arranges J1s for the bulk of Irish students, provides one night's accommodation on arrival in the US and a quick orientation; USIT also operates a 24-hour toll-free helpline.

Right now, USIT also has a roadshow visiting campuses around the country at which students can find out more about the business of working in America. MacSimoin also suggests that parents get their children to bring home information from their students' union about working in America.

John Whyte says he has heard mixed reports from parents about the success of the J1 summer, and he proffers simple, but sensible advice: make sure your child has the price of the flight home if, for some reason, things don't work out.