"PLEASE, please," she begged, "please put him in the school choir." "But he can't sing," the teacher insisted. "Jack is a lovely child, a model pupil, but he hasn't a note in his head." "But what about his self confidence," she asked anxiously. "All his friends are in the choir and, If he's left out, it will damage his self esteem."

A true conversation - and that woman was serious, deadly serious. An oddball? No, just one of the new breed of young parents, earnest, enthusiastic, hell bent on getting it all right in the business of child rearing. They've read the books, been to the parenting courses, talked through all the theories propounded by the gurus of child psychology, and they have come to the conclusion that confidence is where it's at.

Listen to every word your child utters, praise him or her at every opportunity, encourage him in his little undertakings, always explain and reason with him. Don't tell him to go to bed at 10 o'clock - give him five valid reasons for doing so. Reprimand him - rarely, punish him never.

And dare you question this thinking! If you do, you'll soon be reminded of the mess you and the like of you have made, all the knotted up adults, twisted lives and tormented souls about, much of which can be attributed to the bad parenting of yesterday, the authoritative regimes, the repressive ambience.

Their children will never suffer such treatment and they will grow up to be confident, articulate adults. No shadow of the dreaded low self esteem will ever darken their lives.

All the same, you can't help wondering if it's all a bit over the top. None of us would downplay the importance of praise and encouragement in the lives of the young nor indeed wish to see repeated the old climate of regimentation and obedience, but a bit of a smacht wouldn't go amiss either.

Smacht? 'Tis a lovely meaningful Irish word with no exact English equivalent. It has none of the harsh connotations of the word, discipline, but its presence in behavioural matters denotes order, proper conduct and consideration of others. This is just what your confident young four or five year olds haven't got.

YOU need only venture into any of the popular Sunday lunch venues to see the action, the running, the pulling, the spilling, the pushing all watched over by indulgent parents.

On the trains, too, they are in full flight, up on the seats, racing down the passage ways, with never a thought that some passengers might like a quiet journey. Late night shopping gives them yet another opportunity for unbridled self expression.

Should you frown or express the slightest displeasure, there is a whole new parental vocabulary to deal with any problems. Little Jamie is not cross or bold, he is merely hyperactive. Pouting Laura is no whinger, she is an extremely sensitive child and darling Darren - selfish? a little bully? Perish the thought - he's assertive, strong, determined, forceful. No room for smacht there, is there?

But, back to the school choir. What happened in the end, you ask. The teacher, a sensible, pragmatic Kerrywoman was adamant that, whatever the consequences, she was having no non singers in her choir. No strange noises would emanate from her choral group at the Feis Maitiu. Little Jack, no doubt, is having counselling.