It is a common parental complaint that children don't listen. But maybe such parents aren't listening to their children.

Children who perform better in school are good listeners. They spend about 75 per cent of their time listening. For some children, this is probably an impossibility because not everyone can learn in this way. But there are things parents can do to help their children fine-tune their listening skills.

Parents should demonstrate good listening behaviour by being good listeners themselves. When your child wants to talk, stop what you're doing, turn off the radio or TV, leave the phone on answering machine and look your child in the eye.

If your child doesn't offer to talk, then make some time and space for the child when you can encourage talking. Listen as though you have plenty of time. Don't cut your children off before they have finished speaking. Especially, don't offer opinions or advice until you've heard everything they have to say.

Pay attention to non-verbal messages: tone of voice, facial expressions, posture, sadness, anger, frustration. You may be able to tell more from the way your child says something than from what he or she actually says. When a child comes in from school upset, give him or her some quiet time alone with you. If you can't do it immediately, then promise some one-to-one later on (and keep the promise).

When you have that heart-to-heart, ask children to describe their feelings and to explain what they experienced, rather than asking dead-end yes or no questions. Re-state what your child has said, using some of their own phrases. This gives them confidence in their ability to express themselves and shows them that you empathise. Children learn empathy by having it shown to them.