WHO better to ask advice from but parents who have been down the toddler trail. I asked many parents (mostly mothers, I grant you, and many teachers too) about their strategies for educating nurturing, entertaining and cajoling their pre-schoolers.

They replied in very honest ways and gave heartfelt responses, many full of insight.

We have a lot to learn from each other - many things they said dealt with issues we don't read about in books. Topics range from tantrums to parental guilt.

You may not agree, or even like, some of the ideas these parents put forward but "it worked for them".

All people and parents have different priorities; the tips they felt they wanted to pass on they learned from personal experience. Surprisingly many of them are ideas on how to make a child `feel good'.

PRAISE GOOD BEHAVIOUR

. Always accentuate the positive. For example, instead of telling off the child who is not sitting still, praise the one next to him who is.

. When two children are fighting over the same toy, give it to one of them, set a timer for 5 minutes and then let the other have it. Always follow through - so the child knows you mean what you say.

. Always be consistent.

. Sharing does not come naturally to children - like any skill it has to be learned. So praise and attention should be given when children start doing it.

. When a child tries to do things for himself, like dressing himself, praise him for trying, even though the clothes may not be of your choice.

. If you must punish a child, let the punishment be separation from where or who he wants to be with. For example put him in his room or make him stand in the corner while others play together.

. Ignore temper tantrums. Without an audience, I have found it does not last very long.

. Do not resort to smacking; it does not work in the long term. If you warn a child not to break or spill something, he will. Instead ask them to carry it carefully and they will.

COMMUNICATION

. Offer praise rather than focusing on negative behaviour.

. Listening and engaging children is a key skill which is often under valued.

. Use a form of discipline that feels right and works for you.

. During disputes, stay calm, communicate positively, don't show upset. Become deaf to debates and just put those involved in `time out' to calm down first.

. Be firm, be consistent, never give in to whingeing.

. Don't fight over trivia, don't make a fuss unless it is really important.

. Remember it's the behaviour that is bad, never the child.

. Learn to be hard of hearing, when it is diplomatic to be so.

ORGANISING

. Have a great big box for toys and encourage them to fill it again after each play - then it will establish a habit of tidying.

. Have a night time routine of getting clothes and lunches ready for the morning rush.

. When you have young children "a very clean house shows time misspent".

. Horizontal storage is better for little ones than vertical. Keep it low and they can put things away for themselves.

. You cannot make your home 100 per cent child safe. But to help, get down on your hands and knees and see home from his point of view. Watch for anything you can grab, sharp corners or potential dangers and make your home as child proof as possible.

TIPS

. Keep fiddling fingers busy and energetic bodies active and entertained.

. Few toddlers think about what they do before they do it. They tend to act like two year olds and overreact make sure you don't.

. Children love to know what they can and cannot do. It makes then feel safe to have secure boundaries. So don't feel guilty saying no.

. Don't compare your children with each other or with friends' children. Each one is a wonderful, unique individual.

. Learn to be flexible. Someone needs to bend.

. Try to have realistic expectations and remind yourself regularly that you are in control.

. Make certain rules and stick to them.

. A big mistake some parents make is spoiling their children because they feel guilty about something, like not spending enough time with them.

. When a fight erupts I say "use your words not your hands" and then we all discuss what happened and better ways to deal with it.

. Toddlers are always searching, testing and pushing - it can be exasperating. Have a strategy for when you are `at the end of your tether', like counting to 10, going into the garden, or phoning a friend.

. If you lose your temper, don't try to justify it, just say you Are. sorry and they will respect you for it.

. Children try to get the things they want - and immediately. That is normal. It is up to us to teach patience.

TACTICS

. To help teach patience, don't say "I'll play with you later", give concrete and specific waiting periods. For example: "I'll play with you when dinner is finished".

. Always take time for yourself. A parent who feels overwhelmed and under stress will not be happy or set a good example.

. Parents should try to make sure they get a good night's sleep regularly it is essential.

. If you feel you are not getting it - right, take a parenting course; I did. . Keep your windows open and if you feel like exploding, remind yourself the whole neighbourhood is listening.

. Always make sure your children get plenty of exercise every single day - it burns off all that energy instead of fighting.

. If you feel yourself getting angry too often, sit down and review your life. Is there a hidden source for this anger? Don't blame it on the kids.

. What a toddler wants most from a parent is your availability, to read, or have a cuddle - or just be with.

. Give yourself time to `shift gears'. Re focus yourself for five minutes before you go into the home. Whether you have been working in an office, or on an errand, give yourself time to adjust.

. If you feel guilty about not spending enough time with your toddler - don't. Guilt is an unproductive emotion. It is not necessary to spend lots of time, but you should make the effort to "be his alone" daily.

. To learn how to be polite, children need good role models and rules.

. I always say to my children to treat others as they would like to be treated themselves.

. Remember, sometimes it is because your child feels secure in your love that he can vent his frustrations on you. Guiding our children through life is a difficult task, we all have our own way of teaching values and tolerance.

"Just love them, show it and say it" is the best I can come up with after all these words of wisdom.