Some of the most insightful and affirming learning experiences about how to manage children happen during my travels. My most recent trip to Jordan provided one such experience, as I was travelling on a bus from Aqaba to Amman. I had just had the most marvellous week in Jordan, one of the most different countries I have ever visited. When I mentioned to my guide on March 17th that it was St Patrick's Day, he looked at me curiously. It was such a thrill to be in a country so foreign that they had never heard of the man responsible for green beer and all other reverential aspects of our national holiday. Later, as I chatted with a Bedouin man in his tent in the Wadi Rum desert, he asked me if we have dance music in Ireland. I mentioned that we have groups in the West such as Oasis. He replied that it was about 20 miles from the tent and could I answer his question! It was wonderful to be so far away from home.

Anyway, there I was on the bus reflecting on such experiences. There were a number of families on the bus, all of whom had children aged four to seven. The mothers all wore traditional Islamic clothing with their heads covered; the men had a range of different head gear. My cultural odyssey continued. It was evident that all the children were very well behaved and I concluded that perhaps this is how all Arab children are. Then the cracks began to show: the mother and child just across from me began to encounter a few difficulties. The little girl wanted to root in her mother's purse. Her mother did not want her to root in her purse. She offered her a bag of crisps, in which the child had no interest. A can of orange was offered, but she had no interest in that either. In order to distract her, the mother sat the child on her knee. At this point the child started to cry. The mother was very conscious of the fact that every other child on the bus seemed to be perfectly well behaved except her daughter. The mother attempted to pacify her daughter by changing positions, so that the child would be more comfortable, but this made her cry ever louder. The child then began to arch her back, which made it impossible for the mother to place her in any position. The now-agitated mother took another item out of her purse to entertain her daughter, but to no avail. The crying became louder. The mother's frustration eventually boiled over and she smacked her child. Rather than being the solution to the problem, this made the child hit back at her mother and scream even louder still.

One's sympathy was with the mother, on a five hour bus journey with no escape from the confined space. Does this sound familiar? It struck me at the time that I might as well have been on the Dublin Bus number 39 to Blanchardstown - or on any public transport, anywhere in the world.

Despite cultural differences, it is evident that some things are the same. There is no such thing as a perfect parent; yet this mother seemed to be blaming herself for the problem her child was having. How many times have you felt exactly the same way? Parents need to be reminded that there is no such thing as a perfect child either. There are few parents who could not relate to the experience of the mother on the bus. It was her turn on this particular day. There is no doubt she was looking wistfully at the other, well behaved children and wondering why she could not have such a good child. How many times have you asked yourself exactly the same question?

What is not obvious at these times of strife for a parent is that all children have bad days. The mother on the bus was encountering her share of difficult behaviour on this particular day. It could well be another of the families having difficulties on a different day.

If I were to have donned my psychologist's cap at the time, there are a few steps I would have suggested to the mother which might have eased her tortuous journey. First, she should make sure the child is not tired or hungry before travelling. This means preparations for the trip begin the day before - by making sure the child has had enough sleep. A light, non-greasy meal one hour before travel time should be planned, and snacks should be similarly light. It is important to have a range of diversionary activities available to ensure the child does not become bored. Indeed, boredom is probably the greatest cause of a child's discomfort when travelling long distances. This mother may well have had all these plans in place and her child would still have had a bad time on the bus. It is useful to remember that when you find yourself in these situation from which there appears to be no escape, there is only so much you can do to prevent your child from acting out. There are times when it is simply impossible to predict how your child will react to a situation. It is advisable to try to decide beforehand that, no matter what way your child behaves, it is preferable not to lose your own temper. This only serves to upset both you and the child. It's worth remembering that the other parents on the bus were probably not annoyed with the crying child - but simply thankful it was not their own child having a bad day. (Again, this would not have occurred to the mother having the difficulties.)

One final lesson I picked up on a flight back from South Africa was when a young child was extremely upset from the change in air pressure and was crying to the point of getting sick. Her mother had tried everything to no avail. A lady from South Africa offered to hold the child in a pouch on her back just as the native people do in South Africa. The child, who had been crying for a solid two hours, was pacified in minutes. This close contact and comfortable position seemed to do the trick. The more I travel to these far-away destinations, the more I am struck by how similar we all are. I am grateful to the wonderful Arab people who taught me such a useful lesson.