Did you ever wonder how we appear to the children we teach? How they perceive us through the haze of youth? No? Well, I have to admit that it wasn't something that caused me too many sleepless nights either. But a few utterances from those who look at me daily has given me a couple of smiles recently.

The juniors were playing school at break and the main cause of dissension was over who would be which teacher. I munched my apple and inspected the snowdrops and earwigged a bit.

"You can't be Mrs Kelly, you're in senior infants. Shauna can be her, because she's really old. You can be Mrs Healy - she's the only one who's young."

Now that was as good as a tonic to me, considering the aforesaid Mrs K and myself are around the same vintage.

Then the dispute continued. "Mr Grogan" was not displaying any talent in the thespian department. "You aren't shouting enough!" was the cry of his classmates. "Say `Hang up those coats. There are no servants in this school.' "

But, youthful or not, I was not to escape the wrath of their tongues. "Mrs Healy always says: `I said I was only going to say this once!' " I do not! "She sticks out her bum when she's writing on the blackboard too." Pause here for demonstration! That's my little vanity trip of earlier scuppered.

Anyway, this enlightenment gave us a smirk or two in the staffroom, and then we moved on to dangerous ground. Someone had the brainwave of suggesting we each take turns at identifying a phrase that we associated with another member of staff, and everyone else would guess who was being targeted.

"A lick of a dead cat between the eye and the ear" was easy enough and the culprit had no problem with being identified immediately by all and sundry.

"All out of step except my son John" - equally innocuous.

Then someone came up with a humdinger, risking detection as he pulled on his metaphorical bicycle clips, with tongue firmly in cheek. "All's love in fair and war!"

WELL, we all knew the culprit, but there's no one so blind etc etc. It was a bit like the Emperor and his new suit. He smiled knowingly as he perused the room with a pedant's interest in the prose being trotted out here.

"Over-use of cliches - who's the culprit?" he enquired unwittingly.

"I'll guess you leaving" was the best retort under the circumstances.