THE old attitude of "put up with it" no longer applies to bullying, says Dr Brendan Byrne, author of two books on bullying. And awareness of the problem has increased significantly over the past five years, he says.

In fact, it has increased to such an extent that the term "bullying" may now be applied to what is essentially ordinary banter between school children. Parents read about bullying and, understandably, are worried. They may use the term somewhat loosely.

Having said that, when bullying occurs it is a serious problem which must be tackled. "Bullying is a secret activity and difficult to detect. In order to ensure that no student should suffer in this way communication between the home and the school is most important.

"The vast majority of students are unaffected by bullying behaviour. There is no need for parents or guardians to worry unduly," says Byrne. He suggests parents read through the checklist which he has compiled.

"A child who has high self esteem is most unlikely to be the victim of long term bullying. Parents can help to build up self esteem in their children by encouraging them, by making them feel good about their appearance and getting them involved in any activities inside and outside school. Any activity which leads to a sense of achievement will help build self esteem."

Byrne notes that sometimes a child may be over sensitive. They need to learn the difference between the kind of treatment almost everybody is subjected to from time to time, for instance slagging in fun, arid behaviour where there is a genuine intention to hurt.

Most schools have an anti bullying code or are in the process of developing one, he says. In drawing up such a code, they should involve the entire school community, he adds. This community may include parents, teachers, students, non teaching staff, traffic wardens, bus drivers, even local shopkeepers. There are 600 trained community gardai, who can help deal with problems in an informal manner, he says. Home school liasion teachers can also be of great help.

Bullying is not just confined to schools, he points out. It can occur in the disco on a Saturday night, in a sports club or on the way home. Some adults may also perpetuate such behaviour. He cites the example of the sports coach who is verbally abusive towards a team member for making a mistake. "Look at the message from the adult. Why shouldn't the team continue the process in the dressing room?"

Byrne commends organisations such as the Order of Malta which brought together 170 cadets and drew up an anti bullying charter, which is now given, on a small laminated card, to each new recruit. "If my children were joining an organisation I would love to feel that they were taking the issue of bullying seriously."

It's something no parent wants to admit but there is always the chance that it is your child who is the bully.

Brendan Byrne says that there a couple of danger signs to look out for. Does your child treat his or her brothers or sisters or parents in an excessively aggressive manner - physically or verbally? Or is your child cruel to animals?

A link between cruelty to animals and bullying is becoming increasingly evident, says Byrne. The lack of empathy may mean that the child does not stop and think what it would be like if he or she were an animal. This may translate across to a human victim.

Byrne notes that it takes great courage on the part of a parent to admit that his or her child is a bully. Some children can slip into aggressive behaviour because of life events such as a parent losing a job or becoming ill or dying. Subconsciously they offload it on to somebody else, says Byrne.

Bullies also need help so it can be a tremendous step forward if his or her parents can admit to what is happening.