THE DEPARTMENT of Education has printed 500,000 copies of a booklet on relationship and sexuality education (RSE) to be distributed to parents of schoolgoing children.

In the introduction to Going Forward Together, parents are reassured about the consultation process: "As a parent, you are invited to help decide how RSE will be taught in your school."

At primary level, the programme aims to help children learn at home and at school about their own development, friendships and relationships with others.

"This work will be based on developing a good self image, promoting respect for themselves and others and providing them with appropriate information," the booklet says.

At post primary level, RSE aims to build on the primary programme. It sets out to provide young people with information and skills in order that they will make positive, responsible choices.

"RSE aims to provide opportunities for children and young people to learn about relationships and sexuality in ways that help them think and act in a moral, caring and responsible way."

The process of introducing the programme into schools has been designed to take account of parents' wishes. In each school a committee representing parents, teachers and the management authorities will be elected to draft a policy statement which takes account of the core values and ethos of the school.

Two parents' representatives will be on the committee. All parents will be given the opportunity to offer their comments and views before the final policy statement is approved by the management authorities and implemented in the school.

THE MINISTER for Education showed good political judgment when she decided to give each school the power to design its own policy statement.

Since 1980 there has been a 44 per cent decrease in the birth rate within marriage and a huge increase in the extramarital birth rate. Almost one in four children now entering primary school is not from a traditional two parent family.

It is understandable that parents who are not part of a traditional two parent family where Mum and Dad are married to each other have concerns regarding how the core values and ethos of their school will be reflected in the RSE programme. Parents and teachers need to show great sensitivity when they agree on the language that is to be used to talk about family situations.

It is essential that no girl or boy is ever made to feel that her or his family situation is unacceptable.

Clearly, a high proportion of adults no longer believe that it is necessary to save sex for marriage. Parental attitudes to sexual morality form the views children hold. They pass on their values or lack of values. The RSE programme in each school is to be built on what children experience at home and outside school.

This is likely to create genuine difficulties for teachers may have to contend with children who have learned to be judgmental.

If parents are not married to each other or are in a second relationship, children can be unkind. These kinds of real life situation may create a difficulty for the teacher when teaching about virginity and the ideals of marriage.

In most schools there are parents who hold diametrically opposing views on what they want their children to learn. At a very practical level, some parents oppose premarital sex and do not want children taught about family planning. They want sexual abstinence messages to be taught.

Others view virginity as an unrealistic aspiration and expect young people to be taught about "safe sex". The fear of AIDS has made condom protection a life and death issue for sexually active young people.

We are such a litigious nation that policy committees will need legal as well as moral advice on what is to be included in lesson themes on family planning. In theory parents want young people to be taught to act in a moral, caring and responsible way. In practice those involved in the consultation process may be challenged to examine their own attitudes to sexual morality and contraception before they are in a position to agree on a policy statement for the school community.