Big beams, tiny halos and cable ties: election posters are back

Parties and candidates have had lots of time to finesse their lamp-post strategy. But have they?

Slanted text: a Fine Gael election poster featuring leader and Taoiseach Simon Harris. Photograph: Bryan O’Brien
Slanted text: a Fine Gael election poster featuring leader and Taoiseach Simon Harris. Photograph: Bryan O’Brien

They’re back and they’re everywhere. Finally. Amid the numb November gloom and much ladder action, these roadside adornments can’t help but introduce a primary-colour injection of hope, reflecting an excitement that will surely build over the weeks to come.

But enough about the Christmas lights.

Another week, another election, and this one already has more posters than the London Underground and my teenage bedroom combined.

This short-and-bitter three-week campaign might have the bang of “quick, let’s get this done before the Russian bots notice”, but the build-up to the build-up has been long enough to give all but the most last-minute of candidates plenty of time to finesse their poster strategy.

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My first impression from studying the shiny faces that have abruptly manifested on the lamp-posts of Dublin is that there are several candidates who feasibly could, if all else fails, enter the Keir Starmer lookalike competition now running on Channel 4′s The Last Leg – aka Near Starmer.

My second is that you can confuse your brain really fast when you’re staring at a trio of smiling stalwarts from Fine Gael, Labour and Sinn Féin only for a bus promoting ridiculous-on-purpose Disney Plus sex-fest Rivals to sweep past.

[General election posters for Cork candidates vandalised by having faces cut out]

It might be best to just warn at this point that if you’re looking for serious political analysis, read no further. I mainly decided to write about this year’s crop of election posters because I wanted to combine the brief research phase I had at my disposal with a nice walk.

Controversially, none of the candidates whose posters I’ve seen so far have chosen the path I took before my current print byline photograph was shot, which was to spend hours sweltering in a stifling hot office with the result of appearing extra-pink.

Most have concluded that a big beam is the best option to prevent a poster resembling a mugshot, even if for some it might be no harm to tone down the inherent sense of confidence that allowed them to offer themselves up the electorate in the first place. Some people have a Resting Smug Face. Indeed, I find the one on the candidate I’ve already decided to vote for mildly disconcerting and am having to resist the temptation to be smuggist.

Given the febrile atmosphere in parts of the country and the dismal trend towards harassment of candidates witnessed during May’s local and European elections, I’ll refrain from chipping in with any more lookism and move on to the important stuff: the fonts.

[Dún Laoghaire-Rathdown County Council investigating three ‘illegal election poster’ complaints]

Although my research/walk took me across just three constituencies, all on Dublin’s northside, there was no escaping Wicklow candidate Simon Harris and ludicrously cheerful Cork South-Central candidate Micheál Martin. Insert the words “presidential-style campaign” here.

The Taoiseach, superimposed over a lightly rippling Tricolour, appears below the words “a new energy”, which are slanted, presumably to suggest vigour, spirit and momentum – and not the kind of momentum that yesterday saw a “new energy” sign plummet right off his podium.

Elsewhere, Fine Gael has a penchant for slender posters, which from a design perspective are bordering on the classy even if they do risk foreshadowing a more slimline presence in the Dáil after November 29th.

Font-wise, there is something dangerously unassuming about the one the Social Democrats uses for its party name, while it is also lumbered with purple, a brand colour that always smacks of other colours having already been taken by more established competitors. It gives off “challenger bank” vibes.

Fianna Fáil’s posters are greener than the Green Party′s and Sinn Féin′s put together, so much so that when up against a hedge, they just blend in harmoniously with nature. This might not have been the desired aim. Fine Gael, by contrast, has avoided any potential camouflage issues by opting for a blue background, the Irish sky having long since rebranded to grey.

Otherwise, my main background takeaway is that using an image of Government Buildings might be a bit ambitious if you’re trying your luck on behalf of the Centre Party.

[Posters at the ready and cost-of-living payments more grist to early-election rumour mill]

My main text-alignment note is that independent candidates and smaller parties enjoy above-average fondness for skewed text, often tilting words in different directions on the same poster. This implies either dynamism or chaos – one of the two, anyway.

The Green Party, meanwhile, offers many variations on a theme, with candidates individualising their posters through everything from an aversion to capital letters to the use of a cartoon-style avatar, with one candidate taking her party’s ethos to the logical end point by declining to have any posters at all.

It is, for sure, compulsory during every election cycle for a debate to break out about whether the Irish political system should be quite so devoted to these enduring survivors of the print apocalypse.

For now, it seems reasonable to at least ask for some basic aesthetic standards and adherence to the rules, while also hoping that the literal defacing of posters seen over the weekend in Cork South-West isn’t the start of a mission to make every politician in the country look like an Olympic fencer.

Technically, the rules the candidates and their supporters are meant to be following are contained within the Litter Pollution Act 1997, as amended by the catchily titled Electoral (Amendment) (No 2) Act 2009.

To its list of sensible regulations, I’ll add that it’s never a good idea to tie the cable-tie the wrong way round, because if there is surplus plastic at the front it invariably creates an extra loop above the candidate’s head, making it look like they have a tiny halo.

Finally, sitting TDs in particular should try not to place posters above signs imploring people to clean up after their pets. There’s just something less than ideal about having the words “vote number 1″ next to a reminder to “bin the poo”.