During the recent bout of very hot weather I, like many of my country people no doubt, was finding it difficult to sleep. Our homes are built to thrive, for the most part, in colder and damper weather. We are not an air-conditioned nation. Visitors to our shores from much warmer climes often find themselves struggling in the high humidity, brought about by our proximity to the Atlantic Ocean.
On the night in question, I had tried everything. I swapped the duvet for a sheet. I flapped around with one leg in, one leg out. Both legs out. One foot on the ground. An extremely brave move given it’s a sure-fire way to invite a creature from the underworld to wrap its claws around your ankle. I tried window open, but swiftly had to revert to window closed because a cat that does not belong to me attempted to move in.
At my wits end, at about 3am, I pulled out the big guns. I took my pillow, put it down at the bottom of the bed where the feet usually go, and I slept upside down.
Until recently I would have believed that I was among a small cohort of people who rely on this method in times of insomnia. Of course it was TikTok that rid me of that assumption. TikTok is wonderful for reminding you that you’ve never had a unique experience in your entire life. I saw a TikTok once that described that feeling when the palm of your hand is itching and you try to scratch it, only to realise that the itch is actually off in a different dimension. Turns out, lots of people experience the phantom palm itch, just as a lot of people employ the pillow switch.
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I started doing the pillow switch organically as a child. I have no memory of how I discovered it and no idea why it works. Presumably it helps to reset your brain and set it on a new path towards sleep. Experts say that if you’re lying in bed struggling to sleep for 30 minutes or more it’s essential to change something – get out of bed for a few minutes, perhaps change your pyjamas.
Another unorthodox method I’ve tried when sleep has evaded me is to lie on the floor. This involves, no surprises here, getting out of bed to lie on the hard floor for a good 15 or 20 minutes, enough so you’re uncomfortable. Then when you get back into bed, your body realises that bed is the business and slips happily into sleep.
A few years ago, during an extended stay in hospital I was struggling to sleep at night. Hospitals, despite being places that are supposed to encourage healing, are often the antithesis of getting a good rest, between the oven-like temperatures, the woeful beds and the nurses waking you up to tell you it’s time to go to sleep. In desperation I asked for something to help me drift off and was prescribed promethazine, an antihistamine and anti-nausea drug which comes with terrific sedating effects. Unfortunately for me one of its potential side effects is to aggravate restless leg syndrome, a condition I am tormented by.
Restless leg syndrome manifests as an uncomfortable and uncontrollable urge to move and stretch your legs. It’s a creeping, crawling feeling in your lower limbs, often made worse by sitting or lying down. I’ve had some of my worst attacks in cinemas and on aeroplanes. On this night in question in the hospital I took the promethazine and went off to bed full of hope. Fast forward 40 minutes and my brain is trying to sleep while my legs just wanted to dance. I was scuttling around the room like a super speedy zombie from 28 Days Later.
A recent addition to my insomnia arsenal is cognitive shuffling. It involves choosing a random everyday word like door and taking each letter from the word and naming as many words as you can that start with that letter, before moving on to the next. The mental exercise helps to calm racing thoughts and ease your brain into sleep. I’ve tried it, and it does work. A word of warning though: don’t get competitive with yourself, nothing says “up until 4am” like trying to think of 40 words that start with the letter Q.
When all else fails I return to the old favourite of the pillow swap. Will you get a fright when you wake up? Yes. Is it worth it for the best sleep of your life? Also yes.
