The juicer
By the time you buy all that fresh fruit and veg, chop it up, throw half of it away, clean the machine and start all over again, you'll wish you'd gone to the local juice bar. An old fashioned blender does the job just as well.
The café-style coffee maker
Did you ever really think you'd be steaming your non-fat soy milk for your freshly ground coffee at 7am on a Monday morning? Or using the eight-cup filter pot when you barely have time to boil the kettle? No, we didn't think so. This beast takes up more space than any other gadget. A Mokka pot for €20 makes great coffee in minutes and takes up minimal room.
The deep fat fryer
It needs a bucket of fresh oil each time, and that smell of frying will cling. When you crave chips, go to the chipper.
The orange squeezer
The Alessi designer orange squeezer is a classic status symbol, but does anybody ever use one? And if so, how does your wrist hold up with all that squeezing? Buy Tropicana. You'll be grand . . .
The breadmaker
If you can't slap some good flour and yeast together and throw it in the oven you shouldn't be making bread anyway.
The ice-cream maker
Sounded like a great idea at the time - fresh strawberries and cream, sorbets, chocolate concoctions. You've used this space-gobbler once. Good ice-cream is expensive, but so are all those ingredients.
Electronic scales
It may sync with your iPad, but do you need such a sensitive instrument for flapjacks? A sturdy worktop weighing scales will give years of service, without the fiddly batteries and TLC.
The pasta maker
We had a blissful dream that we'd be like an Italian trattoria in deepest Tuscany dishing up pillow-soft ravioli and melt-in-the-mouth tagliatelle. But draping all that stuff on chair backs and the labour-intensive cleanup cured us of our peasant fantasies. With all its moving parts, this machine convinced us that store-bought can be just as good.
The multi-function food processor
A behemoth that can take over your entire work surface. But look at all the things it can do – chopping, kneading, blending, julienning, microplaning, mincing, proofing, frothing and whipping – everything a real chef would. Except not. You can't find the right setting and cleaning it all is a chore. There's not much that you can't do with a hand blender and a sharp knife.
Electric can opener
You're not living in a US sitcom circa 1989. These things break down all the time, take up too much counter space and really, how hard is it to open a can of beans? Buy a strong mechanical one for a few euro and feel no guilt at replacing it a year down the line.
A layered steamer
Towering like a countertop cruise liner, it's supposed to cook your entire dinner in one go, from fish to rice and all the vegetables in between. Result: mush at the bottom and al dente on top. A saucepan with a steamer basket will do the job better.
An electric wok
The best woks are cheap as chips from Asian shops. Just remember to season it with oil first, and don't leave it to soak or it will rust alarmingly.
The department store vegetable chopper
You know the one that takes twice as long to chop onions as with a knife? You bought it when you saw the guy turning carrots into works of art, and chopping a spud into ribbons with one powerful swipe . . . but you nearly cut your finger off the first time and it's been in the box ever since.
The domestic salami slicer
How easy the school lunches were going to be with this little beauty shooting out wafer-thin slices of cold meats - and think of the money you'd save by buying salami whole. Instead, you got inedible salami shavings since it doesn't have the heft or the blades of a butcher model.
The gigantic four-slice toaster
Okay, so the idea was to have piles of toast on demand for those fun brunches when the gang got together. Instead you find yourself eating four slices of toast all on your own.
Novelty popcorn-maker
A layer of oil in your least favourite saucepan will do the trick, and is far more exciting for the kids (under parental supervision of course). And there's always the microwave variety.
