This week: how to be a good house guest

Whether you’re visiting your friend’s caravan in Brittas or your better half’s folks for the first time, nobody likes the guest who takes “make yourself at home” as a directive rather than a polite gesture.

To start off on the right foot, bring a small gift – or a large gift. No-one is going to complain if you arrive with a generous amount of food and wine to see you all through the weekend, or the the week ahead. Tiny boxes of chocolates won’t cut it.

You may usually wake up as the sun is setting, but try to rise when you hear people pottering around.You don’t want to come down for breakfast when everyone else is preparing for lunch after the morning hike.

Manners Illustration Getty Images
Manners Illustration Getty Images

Your idea of a clean room may be some partially visible floor space, but keep your clothes tidy. Don’t get heavy-handed with the fixtures and fittings. There is nothing more mortifying than a broken toilet.

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It’s one thing to be a picky eater at 12, but really at 29 you should be able to push the mushrooms to the side without going on about your so-called allergies. Don’t claim to be a philistine about wine and then quaff the best bottle as if it’s Ribena. Stay sober-ish: a good general rule to follow is, half as tipsy as the drunkest person minus Great Uncle Frank and his penchant for whiskey.

Remember it’s not a hotel and nobody should be waiting on you hand and foot. Pitch in with the washing up, fill up the log basket. Lastly, don’t overstay your welcome. If they’re great hosts you may not want to leave. But really you should. Don’t Tnx by text. Write a card. It’s good manners. – Rachel Murphy