Upfront

I DONT HAVE A Dundalk accent. I haven’t toured the world as part of a pop group. I have completely failed (and this isn’t for lack of trying over the past two decades) to nab Bono as a close friend.

Furthermore, I am not, sadly, a naturally slim, stunningly beautiful poster cailín for our great little country. To sum up, I don’t have, at first glance, much in common with the female members of the Corrs.

Sure, it has been said that I can hold a bit of a tune but I'm useless on the fiddle, the drums and the tin whistle. Before certain events involving their brother Jim unfolded, if we had gotten stuck in a lift together the conversation might have been strained. I suppose I could have told them about the time I made a hames of Runawayat a wedding, but that wouldn't have taken long. So, on balance, I'm glad I didn't get stuck in a lift with them back then.

Now? Well now I feel that if I must get stuck in a lift, I could do worse than being stuck with Sharon, Caroline and Andrea Corr. I'd have a brilliant opening gambit you see: "Hi Andrea," I might say after we rang the emergency number, retouched our lip gloss and began waiting for help to arrive. "You don't know me, but I too have a close relative who believes in an evil coterie of 12-foot lizards that rule the world and who thinks 9-11 was an inside job." Perhaps the sisters wouldn't want to talk about it, but at least it would stop me from blurting how I used to play What Can I Do?on a loop for days after my husband left me. (What? It is a brilliant break up song, a classic of the genre.)

I’ve felt a sort of an odd allegiance with the sisters ever since their brother Jim started talking about his views on airport scanners (dangerous), 9-11 (a conspiracy) and the new world order (the giant reptiles again). Because I have a brother who passionately believes in the same things.

The Corrs sisters have got a bit more to contend with of course. My brother isn’t invited on national TV and radio to discuss his views. He just dispatches regular e-mails and video clips to highlight any new evidence he discovers to back up his thesis. I reckon the majority of it goes unread by family members. As with David Icke, he lost most of them at “lizards”, unfortunately.

My brother believes that most people are really “sheeple” who need to wake up. He is always telling me that I should research what he says – which I keep accidentally forgetting to do. Over the years I’ve come to respect his dedication to what he sees as the pursuit of truth. But the conspiracy business is hard work. I got a headache just trawling through the ‘Top 40 reasons to doubt the official story of September 11, 2001’ on the ‘9-11 Truth’ website.

Jim Corr was on The Late Late Showlast week. He made a few statements about 9/11, one of which was that a group of 1,100 architects and engineers had agreed that the buildings "could not have come down the way we were told". He also said that former Italian president Francesco Cossiga had publicly stated that he believed 9-11 was orchestrated by the CIA and the Israeli intelligence agency Mossad, as had a former German defence minister. I may even Google these nuggets later if my headache clears.

Then a journalist in the audience turned the discussion around to the anti-Semitic roots of the “Anglo-American shadow government” mentioned by Corr. Corr got quite upset at this point, demanding the “anti-Semitic” remark be withdrawn. Things took a comedic turn and, inevitably, the internet was humming afterwards with ridicule for Corr and his views, his round pink spectacles and his facial hair.

I sent the interview to my brother and he replied: “There is a massive elephant in the room that is affecting the lives of everybody on the planet, and you and almost everybody else will just turn the other way and let it go by. And when someone says, ‘Hey, there is a big elephant in the room and it’s messing with your life your country, your freedom, your health, your money, we call him a loony’.”

Sharon Corr has spoken about her brother’s views. “I feel Jim has a right to his own beliefs and a right to express them, as we all do. They are not necessarily beliefs that I hold myself. But I love him, and he has a basic right to that,” she said. I feel the same.

So Sharon, Andrea and Caroline it’s all round to mine for dinner to discuss the highs and lows of having a sibling who can see a massive elephant in the room. And bring that Bono fella, would you?

THIS WEEKEND: Róisín will be munching dangerous (according to the HSE) medium-rare beef burgers at a top-secret location, ie her kitchen.